Some days the missing is so great. It sneaks up. No warning. I can't change this. I am a mom. I want to fix things. Make it better. I am powerless. I call on the name of Jesus. Sometimes our burdens weigh us down. They threaten to crush and steal our joy. This is the journey of a mom whose son lies deep beneath the sod. The missing grips; tears at the inside. Our child; Flesh and blood, torn from us. I find other things to do. To distract myself. I think on the wonder of things. My children. Grandchildren. But the pain is too great. I need to walk through this. I ... View Post
With Gratitude This Broken Hearted Mama says, Thank You!
With Gratitude This Broken Hearted Mama says, Thank You! We rose early. A week ago now! My brother in law and I. And while it was still quiet; a hush still over everything. We set the pig to roasting. Later in the day we would welcome family, friends and community members to the farm. There was much to do. The day dawned beautifully. With coffee in hand we began to work. The tents set up the day before. We decorated and created. Many hands. I prayed over that space and time. I wanted people to feel welcome and relaxed. I wanted people to have a good time. I ... View Post
Learning How to Walk a Path I Do Not Like
The Anniversary date approaches. Forever etched in my mind. The week has been rough. Emotional. Out of sorts. The day it happened; a Sunday. The morning my farmer walked into church. Picked up the drum seat "a throne"; and shared that our son now was in the presence of the King of Kings. Who sits on His Throne. The gracious and Holy God. I feel numb when I think of those wee hours in the morning. The police. Flashing blue lights. Darkness. No power. I can feel the shock that crept like a thief through my whole body. My farmer and now only son heading to the barn. Me ... View Post
It’s Time. . .Part 2
He left excited and jubilant. He hugged and kissed me. Assured me all would be well. You see. I didn't want him to go out. I told him repeatedly to just stay home. Bring his girl friend over to be with us. But he left. Giddy. I remember every detail. Blue eyes sparking. He came home in a pine box. The next time I saw him he was laying on a pillow that Chelsea used; on his comforter that matched his brothers. 7 months before I had said good bye to my mom. In a purple casket lined with frills and satin. I wanted none of that. There seemed to be nothing fancy about this kind of ... View Post
It’s Time
I've been procrastinating for three years. A task I do not want to do. A task no one ever wants to do. A task that one shouldn't have to do. I have avoided Elijah's room. Pretend it doesn't exist. Closed the door to make it go away. His smell is still there. It's heady. It makes me weak in my knees. Sick to my stomach. His motorcycle helmet. The socks he changed out of. Still there. The sheets he had on his bed. But it's time. God said so. He sent one of Elijah's friends to ask if we had an extra room for him. Since our guest room will be filled; the only room is ... View Post
The Assurance of Knowing
Often we are stretched. Beyond what we feel we can handle. We breathe deep. We long for relief. Yet, these circumstances are here to help us grow. To change us. It's been 35 months of being stretched. There are many more months to go. The missing deep. The walk each day a choice. I am only responsible for the here and now. To live this moment in surrender. I will let the rest of the moments be dealt with in time. In the pew, on Sunday, the children sat between my farmer and I . 4 of ... View Post
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