Both of my boys are gone. Both left the same way. The clothes on their backs, their wallets and a hug for their mama. So much the same. Yet different. That oldest farm boy, a Poole in the delayed entry program for the Marines, never came back. He hugged me good bye. His gaze lingered with mine, and out the door he went. He never came home. His bed empty. Clothes on the floor just as he left them. Gone. Forever. Leaving me with an ache that still cuts like a knife. Now the second born farm boy. He leaves too. Clothes on the floor, just as he left them. The feeling so ... View Post
Disjointed, Out of Sorts and Crabby
Things feel disjointed and out of sorts. We are in need of hired help. Farm chores take all day. There is little time for rest for my farmer. I am not as gentle as I should be. I feel crabby a lot. A really good friend went to see Jesus after a dance with cancer. She was light and fun. We raised kids together. She loved Jesus. She loved her family. She loved Creation and all the wonders there in. I ache for her family. I ache because I miss her. I ache because she knows what I don't yet. I ache because she's with my Lijy and others that have gone on ahead. Things feel ... View Post
That Farmer of Mine
I lean into that farmer of mine. The tears flow freely; the ache piercing. Its not fair I say. I don't like this plan. I want to cook for him, hear his voice, look into the deep blue eyes. I want to know how he is doing and dance at his wedding. I want to pick up his dirty clothes and fight with him. Fighting with him was like sparring. Engaging, mentally challenging and exhausting all at once. That dear farmer of mine wraps me tight in those long arms. He holds me while I release the pent up tears. Tears I have tried to not shed for months now. Feeling like I am a burden to ... View Post
The Last Day
The Last Day. . . I snapped this picture on July 27, 2013. The college girl and youngest farm boy were headed to a week of camp. That oldest farm boy leaned in the car window and hugged his brother. I captured the moment. Little did I know it would be a gift. It was the Last day those boys would see each other. A week later I returned to pick up those kids from camp. That youngest farm boy headed straight for the fields. His restless being and love for farming propelled him to jump right in. The oldest farm boy had gone off on a shoot with a friend and his dad. My farmer headed ... View Post
The God Who Sees Our Need, and Provides
He speaks of God's provision. Our Pastor. My mind drifts. (this is not uncommon) Abraham's willingness to listen; to do the hard things. Genesis 22 (Yes. The whole chapter. It is a nail biter) He brought his son. His beloved son to be sacrificed. His ONLY son. His prayed for son. Obedience. He didn't question God. Yet, when his son Isaac asked the question, "Hey, dad, where is the lamb for the sacrifice?" I am sure many things went flying through his thoughts. We don't know what those were. We only know what he said. "God, himself, will provide the lamb." God will provide ... View Post
A Time of Refreshing
The summer sky is unpredictable these days. The angry heavens pour down their wrath day after day. Haying is nearly impossible. Fields; sodden. Water gathers in the basement and swirls in the river. Yesterday and today there is a break in the pattern. The sun shines. Humidity; flees. We withdraw to our Happy place. Sun reflects off the fast, flowing river. The wind rustles the branches of the stately willow. This. This moment in time is refreshing. I try to hold on. I memorize the sounds and the feeling.| The youngest crawls onto my lap. She curls tightly in a ... View Post
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