I want to be the best parent I can. I don't think this has ever occurred to me. Not that I wanted to be a poor parent. I just did what needed to be done. I didn't think about it. When the kids were little I taught. There wasn't much time for anything. I haven't really looked to others. Honestly. I didn't have that great of a relationship with my mom. Yes, it's true. God helped us to make it what it became. So, I just did the opposite of what she did. Yes, it's true too. Oh, there are some things that have been ... View Post
When You Run On Empty, You Can Ooze All Over. . .
The kitchen is a mess. We have a house guest coming for 3 weeks. There is no safe way up the stairs and through the hallway with out a navigation system. The lawn needs mowing and I haven't taken time for my heart to be still. You would think after all these years I wouldn't get off track. But I have. Mother's Day, cooking, cleaning, church, games. All important things. But not the things that should matter. Finding that still, quiet time to pour over the Ancient Word is so crucial to my being. And I have filled the space with other ... View Post
When Each Step Taken, Is On Solid Ground
Easter. A day of great joy. Also my birthday. Another new path forged. Days I didn't want to walk through. Yet the beat of time relentless in its march. (Easter 2013) (Easter 2013) Then, the realization that your first born is residing in Glory on this Resurrection day. Oh the joy he experiences on a continual basis. We, a people, just trying to understand with limited minds. I made it through most of the service with out crying. It's the first service since Elijah met Jesus and Gary was diagnosed with cancer, that I haven't dissolved into a weeping ... View Post
When Yesterday Is 7 Months Gone
Dear Elijah, It's been more than half a year since your feet have walked this earth; since time stood still and my heart broke in two. I can't believe that much time has passed. It feels like yesterday. 7 months of not my will, but thine. 7 months of learning to live a path I didn't ask for; death, cancer, treatments, grace. We all miss you a ton. Each day dawns with thoughts of you and remembering you're not with us. We all feel so incomplete without you here. It's hard to figure out how to do this walk. I miss your smile and the sound of your voice. I miss being your mom. I miss ... View Post
The Partner That Brings Grace To Your Movements
Sometimes I just want off this road. I've said it before. To me it seems hard. At each door there is pain and heart ache. It's another journey to process and move through. There is a dance while moving through pain. The movements can be stiff and awkward. Or they can be smooth and graceful. When you walk hand in hand with a partner skilled in guiding the way; the movements become fluid. I want things to be fluid. I long for movements that are graceful. What is it that creates the graceful out of the chaos? Who called order into the cosmic ... View Post
This Year; I Don’t Want To Read The Annual Report
Yeah; that moment when the Town Annual Report comes. And you remember being excited because in it was the birth of your child. You save it. You want to remember for all of forever how this important monumental event is captured in the Annals of human history for all to see. Your child; in bold letters was born. You horde extra copies like they are gold, so that your son will know what went on in the town during that time. But now. The Annual Report comes. Your heart sinks; your hands shake; your legs give way. You go cold. It ... View Post
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