It's been 5 Mother's Days since I've celebrated with my mom. 4 since my son left this earth so suddenly. Both leave an opening. An ache. My brothers and I have been going through photos. Photos that have made us laugh. Say, "what?" And some that have nearly brought me to my knees. Our family pictures are forever changed and events and gatherings always include missing. I'm grateful for the missing though. We had something worth missing. Something so great, that when it's not there, it's missed. I can't change the events of my sons passing. Oh, how I would love to. I ... View Post
Commencement
They're graduating. All those Seniors. The ones that grew up together. The ones that gathered at the grave of a 17 year old. Their friend. They're moving on. Commencement. Some to careers. Some to more schooling. But they're moving on. And our son is not. His life; gone. In a moment. This time, a reminder of that ceasing. I feel the pull of the despair. I sense the ache below the surface. Yet. The Facebook posts of gatherings and graduations also spark deep love. An excitement for these young people. We raise our children with the hope that they will become ... View Post
Redeemed
The day dawned warm. Easter. The Culmination of Lent. The joyous celebration. The journey to the Cross. The Promise. The Hope. The sun shone. Temperatures rose to almost 80. We gathered with family. Broken. Bruised. We gathered. 2 moms who've lost their sons. One with special needs. One who has been incarcerated. A former drug addict. Divorced. Children out of wedlock. Broken. All of us. There we gathered. On the back lawn. Laughing. Enjoying. Hugging. Eating. Redeemed. Bought with a price. Living under grace. The whole lot of us. A broken, redeemed glorified ... View Post
The Day in Between
The wave comes with out warning. Slams my being. I realize I have uttered a moan. The tears fall. My dancer girl looks strangely at me. The face of grief. Unexpected. How do you put words to the deepest longing? How do you explain that as you pass this spot on the road, you can never forget. The spot where your son brought you to get your car. The last conversation you had together. How do you explain the ache? The missing is so hard. We have journeyed to the cross this Lenten Season. Each day closer. Looming. Jesus took the walk to Calvary for us. He chose to travel the ... View Post
Are You Content?
Lent is almost over. We're heading into Holy Week. So many choose not to observe these practices. This year I have struggled to stay focused. The discipline and reach for more; difficult. The connectedness with my Savior; not there. The day dawned warmer. I took a walk in the afternoon sunshine. It's still too early to see signs of Spring. The daffodils, tulips and hyacinth are still cuddled deep in the earth; not willing to risk the bitter winds. The earth is slushy as I walk. The deep frost letting go. The river plays a melody. Content, I walk on. I love and hate this ... View Post
This Moment Counts
The sun streams in through the windows. Warmth. It's been so cold. The wind; relentless. Sunshine, scarce. I chase the sun through the rooms, as the afternoon gives way to evening. Even the evening is being chased. Days growing longer. This time of year is always a battle. A fight to enjoy each moment. Darkness; permeating all. Cold seeping through each crack and crevice in this old farmhouse. Lately, I can't seem to get warm. I cook and bake. I layer clothes. Still. I struggle. To get warm. This day. The sun shines. A glorious respite from the dark. Do not be ... View Post
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