There are days I just want to make it all go away. I just want off this life I am living. The path is hard and unforgiving. The weight crushing at times. I long to shake this skin. I long to not ache. I should be rejoicing. We are done with chemo. We are done with radiation. I should be jumping for joy. But I can't. We still travel to the hospital. My farmer's weight is dangerously low. Food a necessity. Eating to live. His body racks with cough from excess mucus from the radiation. His sleep disturbed each night. I reach out and ... View Post
A Challenge To Change
There are 3 days left. We meet with the Radiation Oncologist. I ask her what are the next steps. She nods that doctor nod. Which means; really, we don't know. She tells us we need to wait because the chemo and the radiation will continue it's work. We wait. Then in a few weeks there will be some scans. But really not until 3 to 5 years can we say that it's cured. She then tells us the next 2 weeks after treatments have stopped may be the most difficult. I stare at her with a blank look and think; how? These treatments are ... View Post
What I Learned From The Movie, Frozen
It happens later. After I have watched the film After I have been home; had a night's rest. While the farm house is still quiet. I ponder the movie. I always do. What themes are there? How could this be used in a classroom? What can we learn from this film? It's probably why I rarely go to the movies. This strikes me as I get my coffee. Fear. (I promise I won't spoil the movie) It's fear that drives her away. Fear of what she possesses and what will happen. Fear of the gift she possesses paralyzes her. It is what ... View Post
Even Before The Day Dawns. . . Much Work Has Been Done
Even before the day dawns much has been done. The farmer rises at 3 even through chemo and radiation. The cows need to be brought in, milking machines set up and milking started. Most of this happens while the rest of the world slumbers. Including me. It is not until 5 that I crawl out of bed. These cold mornings it is more of a leap. I grab coffee and the Word to begin my day. Always coffee. Always God's word. 15 years ago, when I was in the thick of working and book work for the farm; an 11 year old step daughter, 2 children and one on the way, I prayed. I asked God to help me find ... View Post
Even When The Darkness Closes In. . .We still Need to Praise
Psalm 17:1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. photo courtesy of Mallory Burritt Psalm 118:28-29 You are my God, and I will praise you; you are my God, and I will exalt you. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; His love endures forever. So often, those who have gone before us, have given praise to our God. Through the storms that rage and the blessings bestowed; they praise. The lessons learned through the Ancient Prophets cause us to continually turn back to praise. When we walk roads that ... View Post
I Can’t Grow A Garden, But I Can Plant My Feet Firmly On Solid Ground
My feet are planted firmly on the ground. It's about the only thing I plant. A farmer's wife that can not grow a garden. Can you believe it? It's true. It's the ugly truth. There is nothing green, or any other color, for that matter, that prospers under my thumb. I am more interested in cultivating souls. Cultivating ground that yields to our Savior. Soft earth willing to accept life in Christ. Or the hard packed earth, where trouble and pain have made joy almost obsolete. This is the ground in which I want to plant seeds. Seeds that sow eternal life, grace and peace for the ... View Post
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