The wind blows. It stirs me awake. I want to snuggle down and stay in bed. Some days I don't want to get up. This is one. I sigh under the weight of remembering. I fling my thoughts heavenward. I get coffee. This life is hard. The darkness hovers now; earlier. My favorite time of year. I want to see beauty yet marred by deep sadness. Plans are hard to make. So much clutters my mind. Time marching forward. Moving further and further from the accident. Further from my son. Yet ... View Post
What Does It Look Like To Praise God In The Midst Of The Storm?
Psalm 92 It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name, O Most High, proclaiming your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night, Don't you know it is good to praise the Lord? It is the cry of my heart. When troubles come and the darkness settles. It is hard to give thanks and praise. When the bills pile high and the day gets crazy. It is hard to praise. When your son is killed and you watch your children grieve, it is hard to give thanks and praise. Yet God continually encourages us to ... View Post
Do You Long For That Deep Soul Peace? Yeah. . . Me Too.
There was a mix up with appointments. I needed to talk with one of the nurses. We play phone tag over 2 days. I seek peace We finally connect. We work out the appointment details. While I have you on the phone I say; Are you able to give me the results of the scans? He says he can. We don't have to wait 3 more days for the results. A mistake; used to give us answers. I don't even know what to pray. I hold my breath. But I think I have been holding it for months. He says the chest is clear. Then there is a pause. My head spins and ... View Post
It’s Not for The Faint Of Heart. . .Or Those Who Like Steady
We are running out of feed. Again. Honestly, I can't wait for this winter to be over; yet I wonder what this coming year will hold. We are heading into our dry time. We are micro-managing every penny spent and what needs to be bought. We want to turn everything around. We are so tired of struggling. Really. Everything is a struggle. Nothing seems fun. It's not supposed to be like this. When did the fun stop? When did we begin this downward spiral? I don't think it has as much to do with finances than it does ... View Post
Monday Musings: How To Really Get Your Heart’s Desire
As the deer panteth for the water. We sing it in church. The Youth are leading Worship. My soul longeth after you. I sigh as we start to sing. It's one of those over sung praise songs. And I think it's lost it's meaning; until we sing this next line. You alone are my heart's desire And I wonder, is He alone my heart's desire? Is He all I really want? I know the answer to the question. I keep on singing. And I long to worship thee. You alone are my strength my shield To you alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my ... View Post
Will I Ever Be Whole Again?
I just want off this road. I don't want to live without our son. We invest so much in our kids. We thrill at their successes and mourn at their losses. Our days are ordered around their life as we watch them become all they can be. Our family is a unit. Each with it's unique function; making us whole. Our dream is for them to be all they can be in Christ. We long for them to make this world a better place. To bring change to this hurting world. To be Jesus to the lost. To share hope. And when that dream is dashed; torn from you. We don't feel whole any more. There is ... View Post
