A year later we still are haying. The fire on to take the chill off the morning air. The desire of my heart to yield to the heavenly father. The pain still real, the missing still great. Longing to find our way in this world. Wanting to make a difference. Wanting hope to permeate all we do. Thoughts scratched out in the wee hours of the morning. Still ring true a year later. Yet, this is before cancer knocked on our door. It is before I knew what was to be. . . It's Early Morning 9-20-13 I rise while it is still dark. Coffee is made. We are having pancakes for breakfast. I have turned the ... View Post
A Letter To God
So much of my daily journey takes me back to last year. How I felt. So much I do not remember. So much is still stuck vividly in my mind. This post echoes the cry of my heart. This week I have felt weary and worn. But we are holding on. Clinging to the rock that is higher than I. Dear God, I find myself in a deep place today. My first thoughts are usually to bring praise and Glory to your name. It is the habit established for more than 20 years now. My first thoughts when my eyes flutter open are to praise you. . .no matter how I feel. Today. . .I opened my eyes and ... View Post
You Can Still Press On
When your parents dog, father's sister (your god mother), parents best friend and mother have all died within 10 days and the memory thief has knocked on your father's door. . . and he needs you to get through . . . you can still press on. When you beg God to take your mother because the ravages of cancer have left her lifeless and emaciated, he won't. . . .you can still press on. You can sit in your yard and hold your daughter's beloved dog that has just been hit by a car and beg for him to live, and he won't. He will die in your arms and you will not shed a ... View Post
Alone; But Not Alone. . .Ever
I am alone. The house quiet. It is not a sound I am familiar with; or like. I wish I could take all those crazy moments when 2 diapers needed changing, lesson plans needed writing, dinner was cooking, and all 6 children were living. . . and bottle them. Then pull them out now. When I feel defeated. I was created to be a mom. And I have loved the journey. I haven't done it well. My children never had a nursery. I never had the latest stroller or baby gear. I never read a parenting book until Chelsea ... View Post
There Is Always Choice
The slide show plays. Each picture a memory of the week gone by. The gospel shared. Summer Bible Camp. Not Vacation Bible School anymore. Somehow "school" has a negative connotation. Kids in other countries look for sponsors and live to go to school. But here in America school brings negative thoughts. But that is another post. The slide show plays. I have not helped at all this week. There were so many pieces to the week, there was no way I could be there. I watch each picture. The sadness descends like ... View Post
Living Fully
Another perfect summer day. The wind blows. The sun is shining. No humidity. Shows and a wedding. These are days that the living flows. Days that take little effort. The ease with which to work. It's easy to find hope on these days. Yet my heart still holds back. Each day healing. Each moment filled with grace. But just under the surface the pain and the missing reside. Forever changed; yet today needing to be lived through. Psalm 118:24 This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad ... View Post
