It's been weeks since I've gone into his room. A hiatus from the reminders. Dust collects as time passes. Things undisturbed. Much the same way since the night he was called home. His room still smells like him. I close my eyes to remember. I miss him so. How does a life continue when your child, your hope and future are torn from you? How do the steps move with the ebb and flow when there is a deep chasm in your aching soul. Elijah was God's child. He was never mine to keep. Children are a gift from the ... View Post
His Chains Are Gone. . .. He’s Been Set Free
His chains are gone. He's been set free. All he knows is peace and more peace. It is we, who are left behind that need the prayers. We walk the hard road. We have walked the year to a different beat. Longing for a familiar cadence. Not to be. Walking the road of grief; blindsided by cancer. Uplifted by grace of a community. Reminders continually of the strength we need to persevere. The unthinkable has happened. It has been a year of firsts. A year with out my mom a year with out my ... View Post
Two Roads Diverged, And I Had No Choice
The Road Not Taken BY ROBERT FROST Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I ... View Post
Farm Living Without Your Oldest Son
The night Elijah went home to be with the LORD. His bed remained empty. . . and for 10 weeks now that hasn't changed. 10 weeks of leaning against the door frame, breathing in his scent, wondering how this can be. . . How can my son really be gone? 10 weeks of hoping to wake from this nightmare. It was his morning to help with chores. Gary did them alone. There was no power, so he had to hook up the generator. . .by himself. But, that was the only day. For weeks now, friends and family have risen in the early hours to ... View Post
Leaning
I lean against the door frame to his room. His smell still lingers. I close my eyes. How long will it last? Tears threaten to overflow. . .once again. How can one shed so many tears? Oh how the heart hurts. I lean into the door and breathe deep. I breathe in the years of parenting. I breathe in the school plays, homework, parent conferences. I breathe in long discussions and life decisions. I breathe in the first moment I heard his cry and held all 9.1 pounds of him. And I lean into the memories. These memories are all I have of ... View Post
