The Halloween festivities are over. The candy hidden away from other siblings. Clarissa is still out. I climb the stairs to kiss the girls goodnight. I linger at his door. I look around. How does it come to this? How can I be left to carry on? Oh how I miss him. My child, my son. I gaze at his airsoft guns. The clothes still not put away. His motorcycle jacket and helmet. The ache remains embedded in my heart. I think of all the mom's whose children have gone before them. I can hardly pray. It is more a groan.I turn and walk down the hall to ... View Post
Waiting. . .How Well Do We Do It?
It is 6:00 a.m when we leave the house. It is still dark. I pray while we drive. Trying to calm the churning. I stare at the wall behind the bed. It is a familiar wall. They must be similar in each place. I hold Gary's hand. I close my eyes, I see the wall behind mom's bed. All the tubes and machines. I am holding her hand. Much smaller than my farmers. A beautiful hand with long nails, that even as life slipped away, she had manicured. Always on her own. Very few professional manicures in her life. I linger in the memories for a moment. But they are still ... View Post
How Do You Really Get Warm?
I wake. The fog not so thick anymore. It is cold. Gary leaves at 3 and I miss his warmth. I quickly step out of the bedroom. It is warm. So very warm. I am struck by the grace it took for me to be warm. The community that came alongside. Matthew 25:40 Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me The equipment, time and effort. A gift I am so thankful for. And this shed is overflowing now. And so is the one at the barn. And I am ... View Post
There is Great Grace, And There is Still Beauty
My kids found these teenagers a few years ago on youtube. They love listening to their harmonies. As a child my family would sing this hymn,gathered around the piano, with my Grandmother or Uncle playing the piano like there was no tomorrow. Oh how they would sing and harmonize. My cousins family sings like that. It's a beautiful thing. Those are years of memories forever etched into my being. This song became near and dear to us as mom began her journey with cancer; as she stepped ever heavenward. Oh how she would sing this ... View Post
Crystal’s Birthday and Living Water
John 4:14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." It's Crystal's birthday. She is 19 today. She sent me a text. She says she doesn't want to turn 19. She is 19 and he is forever 17. . . I breathe in deep. The pain sears my heart. This is hard. This hurts. It is one thing to deal with your own pain; but the effect on your children and their friends. . .and Crystal. . . rocks me. Elijah had a ... View Post
Two Roads Diverged, And I Had No Choice
The Road Not Taken BY ROBERT FROST Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I ... View Post
