I walk by his room. I lean into the doorway. It's a habit now. I breathe in deep. I softly call his name. I just want to hear it. I long for him to be bustling around late for something. He was always late. Couldn't find what he needed. So much like me. So many days it's the same endless feelings. Desire vs. Reality. Skinny vs Plus size. Clean house vs Messy. The desire to have studied more; the reality of failing. On and on it goes. We can run scenario after scenario of situations where ... View Post
My Moments Of Inappropriateness
Oh, I make everyone mad in my family. It does't happen often. But when it does. I can't stop. I call it holy laughter because there really is nothing funny that has happened. And it's usually at prayer time at the table. When I need to be modeling appropriate behavior. It's just before we are about to say grace. And it's really an inappropriate time to giggle. But I do anyway. And then everyone else does. Except for Gary and Elijah. Oh, Elijah would get so mad at me. I couldn't stop. It happened ... View Post
Falling In Love With My Farmer
About 23 years ago I fell in love with my farmer. His banjo playing, quiet ways, love for God and deep voice, was enough to make this city girl take a look at all she had thought would make her soul sing.The glitz and glam, nice cars, dinners out, fancy diamond studded jewelry (just kidding -but my birthstone is a diamond -lucky me) soon faded to what was real and what really mattered in this world. A look deep into God's word and the Truth that rests there is what makes a girl really want to take notice. Wedding bells gave way to the rhythm of farming and teaching. The loss ... View Post
When Yesterday Is 7 Months Gone
Dear Elijah, It's been more than half a year since your feet have walked this earth; since time stood still and my heart broke in two. I can't believe that much time has passed. It feels like yesterday. 7 months of not my will, but thine. 7 months of learning to live a path I didn't ask for; death, cancer, treatments, grace. We all miss you a ton. Each day dawns with thoughts of you and remembering you're not with us. We all feel so incomplete without you here. It's hard to figure out how to do this walk. I miss your smile and the sound of your voice. I miss being your mom. I miss ... View Post
All Clutter Is Not Equal
My brother and his wife are coming for a visit. Now I have known they were coming. But it's not until the last minute that I decide to clean and make a plan. We are celebrating Christmas. I still haven't wrapped the presents. It's almost March. I have wrapped some; but the rest still lie buried under piles of stuff in my room. What makes us all so different? How do some have such ordered and clean homes? Everything is fixed and nice and neat. Everything in its place. ( My college room mate Carol, would continually ... View Post
At The Sound Of His Great Name
"Every fear; has no place; at the sound of your great name The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of your great name" ~Natalie Grant This journey is relentless. There is no escape. The weight of grief a daily struggle. I cry out. The enemy flees;at the sound of His great name. Our fears; have no place at the sound of His great name! My anguish and my grief have been conquered. Do you know that power? Have you been washed in the blood? Can you stand on His promises? When your world is shattered and your baby isn't ever coming home; when your mom ... View Post
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