The kitchen is a mess. We have a house guest coming for 3 weeks. There is no safe way up the stairs and through the hallway with out a navigation system. The lawn needs mowing and I haven't taken time for my heart to be still. You would think after all these years I wouldn't get off track. But I have. Mother's Day, cooking, cleaning, church, games. All important things. But not the things that should matter. Finding that still, quiet time to pour over the Ancient Word is so crucial to my being. And I have filled the space with other ... View Post
Laughing In The Graveyard
The boy leaves me undone. Most days are difficult. Each word is poison and I can't begin to help him. He's lost a brother. Dealt with his beloved father being so sick and he's 14. I would come unglued. He's still fragile in the faith. And he's lashing out. But sometimes there are glimpses of what is to come. The veil pulled back and the blue eyes shine. There is humor and there is a sensitivity, so like his fathers. But this growing and stretching is hard on me. So when there is a calm. I embrace it. When ... View Post
What Does It Look Like To Praise God In The Midst Of The Storm?
Psalm 92 It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name, O Most High, proclaiming your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night, Don't you know it is good to praise the Lord? It is the cry of my heart. When troubles come and the darkness settles. It is hard to give thanks and praise. When the bills pile high and the day gets crazy. It is hard to praise. When your son is killed and you watch your children grieve, it is hard to give thanks and praise. Yet God continually encourages us to ... View Post
Little Giggles And Big Tears. . . Filled The Gaping Hole
It's the beginning of March. And it's cold. The bone chilling, deep freeze of February hasn't lost it's grip. The farmer is so cold. He can't seem to get warm. These are just some of the changes that cancer will make. Sometimes the whole picture is just so overwhelming I can't even look. The strength to move forward waning Today I was reminded of the beauty of relationship and the power of woman being together. The beauty of grace and corporate prayer. I was reminded of sweet children and little laughs and big ... View Post
Are You Able To Run The Race With Perseverance?
Miss you so much. Don't know if I can handle next year without you. #brother This was Clarissa's face book post on June 20, 2013. It's the picture of them on the first day of school; his Senior year. Elijah had gone on a trip the day after graduation. We all missed him. Boot camp was coming and we knew we weren't prepared. He rarely left home. His presence always here. He wasn't one for sleepovers; preferring his bed to others. Little did we know. Clarissa and Thomas have devotions for Youth Group. The topic; Perseverance. With the Olympics permeating much of our ... View Post
Will I Ever Be Whole Again?
I just want off this road. I don't want to live without our son. We invest so much in our kids. We thrill at their successes and mourn at their losses. Our days are ordered around their life as we watch them become all they can be. Our family is a unit. Each with it's unique function; making us whole. Our dream is for them to be all they can be in Christ. We long for them to make this world a better place. To bring change to this hurting world. To be Jesus to the lost. To share hope. And when that dream is dashed; torn from you. We don't feel whole any more. There is ... View Post
