When your parents dog, father's sister (your god mother), parents best friend and mother have all died within 10 days and the memory thief has knocked on your father's door. . . and he needs you to get through . . . you can still press on. When you beg God to take your mother because the ravages of cancer have left her lifeless and emaciated, he won't. . . .you can still press on. You can sit in your yard and hold your daughter's beloved dog that has just been hit by a car and beg for him to live, and he won't. He will die in your arms and you will not shed a ... View Post
Never, Ever Give Up
I climb the stairs. A routine established each night. His door is the first at the top of the stairs. Everything is so quiet. Two are at camp. One in heaven. I make a comment on face book about wanting to keep my kids young. The responses are interesting. No, they say. You want them to grow up and enjoy all they will become. Right now, those thoughts are hard to embrace. When they were young they were all here. They were safe. We have enjoyed the oldest. College. Moving to ... View Post
How To Be Open And Ready
It's going to be hot. But there is a threat of rain. It amazes me how quickly our weather can change. The day will begin gorgeous and turn to torrents of rain in a moment. That volatility is what I feel with my emotions. Some days I am strong. I can make it through. I breathe deep and I can feel the power of the Holy Spirit giving strength. Other days I am consumed with a deep stabbing ache. Grief is hard work. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Our country; the church, have done a shameful thing in rushing ... View Post
When You Run On Empty, You Can Ooze All Over. . .
The kitchen is a mess. We have a house guest coming for 3 weeks. There is no safe way up the stairs and through the hallway with out a navigation system. The lawn needs mowing and I haven't taken time for my heart to be still. You would think after all these years I wouldn't get off track. But I have. Mother's Day, cooking, cleaning, church, games. All important things. But not the things that should matter. Finding that still, quiet time to pour over the Ancient Word is so crucial to my being. And I have filled the space with other ... View Post
What Does It Look Like To Praise God In The Midst Of The Storm?
Psalm 92 It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name, O Most High, proclaiming your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night, Don't you know it is good to praise the Lord? It is the cry of my heart. When troubles come and the darkness settles. It is hard to give thanks and praise. When the bills pile high and the day gets crazy. It is hard to praise. When your son is killed and you watch your children grieve, it is hard to give thanks and praise. Yet God continually encourages us to ... View Post
We Were Created For More
I gaze at the pictures on the wall. I sometimes wonder if I should take them down. Everywhere I look there are signs of Elijah. And there should be. He was still living. He had no intention of meeting Jesus on July 28. He was expecting to go to a shooting match and then live the rest of his life. He was going to boot camp and we would celebrate his birthday. I was going to write letters to him and fly to South Carolina for his graduation from Boot Camp. But he never made it home. His bed remained empty. And now my heart is ... View Post
