It's been a while I wake to the heavy, raw feeling. My constant companion for so long. The weight pressing in. I haven't slept well. A needy dog. I feel tired. Worn. These days. Are the hardest. The pushing through. Imperative. Yet the strength it takes. The work. I close my eyes. I trust. I cry out to the LORD. It is only by his grace. It is by his power, that we move. His journey to the cross. My journey to glory. I will myself to begin the ... View Post
His Room is Still Empty. . .And So Is The Tomb
His room is still empty. I climb to the top of the stairs. It has become cluttered again. . . with stuff. Stuff that isn't his. Extra baggage that doesn't belong there. Our new adventure has consumed much energy. Each time a list complete. . . another, just as long, emerges. Details begat more details. Things we hadn't noticed before, began to come to light. We were taking the time to examine. My quiet time has been filled with me talking. Me requesting. Pushing off time in the ... View Post
Worry, Epiphanies and the Every Day
I'm not sleeping well. It's been 27 months without my son. I go to bed exhausted. I wake up exhausted. I know I've been awake in the night. I have that heavy feeling. What is keeping me up? Luke 10:41 "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-- or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." This verse has troubled me for many years. I've attended retreats based on the verse. Read an ... View Post
Stepping Forward; It’s Been 2 years
I want to stand in front of the pole And will it to not be. As if being there at the time of the accident could stop it from happening. I stare at the pole. Someone has so lovingly mowed this area and planted flowers. The knowledge that someone else remembers fills my aching soul. It is now 2 years since our boy walked this earth. 2 years of walking a path that is rough and ragged. This time has been filled with life - full, and moving on. Some days the moving on is so deeply painful. It takes all I am to ... View Post
When You Spend Time Alone; You Realize How Never Alone You Really Are.
Alone. Yet never alone. Even in the darkest moments. Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. I am not alone. Richard Blackaby continues his talk. He speaks of Elijah. I want to weep at the mention of his name. But it is the Elijah of the bible, of whom he speaks. The Elijah who is called to speak to Kings and Prophets; and then is asked to hide in a ravine. To be fed by ... View Post
A re- working of All In The Same Moment
We had been in Maine. We came home. It was so quiet. No white tornado puppy to great us. I had been thinking about our home going and what it would be like. How quickly my son would experience that journey. Each step of every day draws me closer to the anniversary of the day. We attended a Birthday for a sweet family friend. We sang Happy Birthday and she opened her presents. On the TV ran photos of my children when they were little. Pictures of Elijah. His blue eyes ... View Post
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