It's broken. This beautiful mug. It came in a package. From Germany. With love. A college room mate. A friend. Packed a box full of love. It made me laugh and cry. A hug from so far away. But one mug was broken. And it made me sad. Until. . . I held the fragments in my hands. Fragments. Fragmented. The way I feel. Most of the time. In pieces. Broken. Useless. Worthless. Spent. Fragmented. The pieces sat on the farm house ... View Post
Lessons From the Coffee Pot
No rich smell of coffee reached my senses as I stumbled through the kitchen. My caffeine deprived system trying to register the day, the mess all at once. That is when my eye sight cleared enough to see. My coffee pot. In pieces. With no rich, aromatic coffee smells emanating from it. No beautiful perking sounds. Just pieces and parts on the counter. I knew this might be happening.I had inside information and I failed to act. Yesterday, it was a 2 pot kind of a day. After 20 years of marriage my farmer ... View Post
I Snapped The Memory
I wake and I can feel the oppression. It is heavy. The weight of loss; the ache. Sometimes it's so hard to pray. I don't know what to say. It feels trivial. I've said it a hundred times already. God please be with me. Please, do not leave me. I pray Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. I say the verse over and over. I long for Him to strengthen me. To hold ... View Post
Being Molded Hurts
My washing machine is broken. It's been that way since Saturday. It's a 5 minute fix. A sensor that has repeatedly needed to be replaced over the past 4 years. 5 days, so far, of no laundry. With 6 people, a dairy farm and hot and humid weather this is a stinky situation. It is also one that is testing me to the core. I don't like the answer I was given. To wait one week to have a washer serviced is unacceptable in my book. I have paid for a maintenance warranty. I have expectations. They tell me I have options. I can rent a washer. My farmer says no. The last time the technicians ... View Post
All In The Same Moment
This time last year we had been in Maine. We came home. It was so quiet. No white tornado puppy to great us. I had been thinking about our home going and what it would be like. How quickly my son would experience that journey. Each step of every day draws me closer to the anniversary of the day. We attended a Birthday for a sweet One year old. We sang Happy Birthday and she opened her presents. On the TV ran photos of my children when they were little. Pictures of Elijah. His blue eyes ... View Post
I Said Yes, When Every Ounce Of Me Wanted To Shout, “No!”
I choke back the real answer I want to give. I hold my emotions in reserve. Every ounce of me wants to shout, "No!" She wants to go to the drive in with her friends. She needs money. Another night spins in my head. I didn't want him to go. I asked him not to go. I give her the money. I make popcorn and put it in a bag. I want her to be small again. I want to bathe them all and read stories while they all fight for a space on my lap. I want to pray and hear their gratefulness for the day. And then I want to ... View Post
