It's the beginning of March. And it's cold. The bone chilling, deep freeze of February hasn't lost it's grip. The farmer is so cold. He can't seem to get warm. These are just some of the changes that cancer will make. Sometimes the whole picture is just so overwhelming I can't even look. The strength to move forward waning Today I was reminded of the beauty of relationship and the power of woman being together. The beauty of grace and corporate prayer. I was reminded of sweet children and little laughs and big ... View Post
Don’t We All Just Want To Be Loved?
My Youth Pastor spoke at our wedding. He performed the ceremony in our field, over looking the beautiful, fall landscape and Mount Mansfield. He spoke on Love. (Big surprise! Right?) He quoted lyrics from secular songs. " I want to know what Love is", "Love; it never hurt so good". An entire society trying to figure out how to do love. Well, I am adding my 2 cents today to the litany of love experts. Love. It's not what you think. The romance and the chocolate. The flowers and the sex. It all has little to do with love. I know. Love has more to do with the sacrificing than the ... View Post
The Things We Could Learn From A Farmer
It's the last day of radiation for my farmer. He needs some hydration after the treatment. He hasn't needed hydration at all except during treatment. How did they know he would need it now? I am so grateful. You can tell he needs it. He just perseveres. He never complains. He has been amazing through these treatments. There are so many lessons learned from the generations of farmers. If we all lived a little more like them, I think this world would be a much better place. I could be biased. I married one. Here are some lessons I have learned in the last 24 years from my ... View Post
Do You Long For The Struggle To End?
When I think I can't take it anymore. I breathe deep. There are 4 more days. We can do this. We can make it. My house is out of control. Insurances are waiting for forms, tax preparations loom. I couldn't sleep last night. The first time in 6 months. I got up to pray and read those Ancient Words. I was reminded how the Israelite's were taken from their land. They were banished; sent into an exile they had been warned about. Yet they were told to prosper where they were placed. Even though they weren't in their homeland; ... View Post
I Long For The Days Before The Accident, Before Cancer
Sometimes I want to be anywhere, but here. I long for the days. . .before the accident. . . Times before death and cancer became constant companions. When life, though difficult at times, was full. The journey deep with joy and gratitude for these children and the journey we were on. That life gone now. Because we will never be the same. Ever. I can never wake up again without feeling that something is missing. Some days the missing is so hard. It threatens to overwhelm. I close my eyes. I picture Elijah, I long to see him and ... View Post
What Do You Do When Nothing Is Going Right?
The lights twinkle. The kids are playing. Clarissa is at work. It is unusually quiet. It's nice. We are waiting for Gary to come in. It's been that kind of a day. The kind of day where you hold on with all you have. Because it's all about to slip out of your grasp. And I've come to realize, that's really ok. We are learning to hold very loosely to the things of this earth. Our hands remain open, either for removing, or pouring in. These days it seems more for the removing. Yet, I can not see the big picture. Things ... View Post
