I step out on the porch. Winter has begun to release it's hold. I hang the laundry. Piece by piece. I breathe in; longing for Spring. The sky is overcast. The 3 days of sunshine earlier this week were tempting us with it's warmth. I feel heavy today. It's been a fun week. I should feel elated and rested. The kids have been home and their schedules very relaxed. I continue to hang laundry. I hear sirens sounds; louder and louder. I pray. I think about my first born. I breathe in sharply. I must have subconsciously heard those sirens that night. I want to weep. I look at ... View Post
4 and a Half Years
It's been 4 and a half years since I've seen your handsome face. I long to hear you call me mom. Crystal shared a video of you today. Just the sound of your voice brought me to my knees with missing. I think the ache will leave. I believe it will fade away. But. It doesn't. It is still there. The piercing, gut wrenching ache. But. You know what. I'm ok with the ache. A companion. It reminds me of the gift you were to me. Our prayed for child after our deep loss of our first baby. 17 years of watching you grow and learn. I had a gift; a treasure. Death can not steal those ... View Post
24 Years And Counting
I was 25 and knew nothing of the pain down the road. I knew only bliss and joy. Hope and contentment. I knew rich love and much grace. On a beautiful fall day I said, "I do", before family and friends. I pledged my love through sickness and health until, "death do us part". I walked down a make shift aisle in the field of my farmer's family. I gazed at the foliage and family and friends surrounding us. . . but I barely saw them. Instead I saw a future and a hope with the man standing before me. It's been 24 years since that beautiful day. I'd do it again. Even knowing what we ... View Post
Where Do We Go From Here? Elijah Todd Davis Memorial Fundraiser
We started a Fundraiser 4 years ago to honor our son. This year we will gather for the 4th Elijah Todd Davis Memorial Fundraiser. To date we have honored 5 students with a $1,000 Scholarship. We've taken our grief and worked to make a difference in others lives. On August 12, 2017 we will welcome all of you to our space once again. Our oldest farm boy was in great physical shape when he was called home. He was training hard to be the best he could be for the United States Marine Corps. He was due to head to Boot Camp on September 2, 2013, His 18th birthday. An appointment he never ... View Post
That Farmer of Mine
I lean into that farmer of mine. The tears flow freely; the ache piercing. Its not fair I say. I don't like this plan. I want to cook for him, hear his voice, look into the deep blue eyes. I want to know how he is doing and dance at his wedding. I want to pick up his dirty clothes and fight with him. Fighting with him was like sparring. Engaging, mentally challenging and exhausting all at once. That dear farmer of mine wraps me tight in those long arms. He holds me while I release the pent up tears. Tears I have tried to not shed for months now. Feeling like I am a burden to ... View Post
If You Only Had 5 Days Left; Would You Do Anything Differently?
He had only 5 days left here on this earth. For in the early hours of July 28, 2013 he would meet his Savior. I wasn't there. He left home excited to see his girl friend. He looked into my eyes; those baby blues. He said, "Bye, don't worry." The next time I saw him, he was still; lifeless, in a pine box. I live each day without my oldest son. I work each day to seek the good God has given to us. Grief never leaves. It's here to stay. But what I do with that grief is my choice. With God's help I am learning to trust, to live, to praise. My eyes flutter open to the ... View Post
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