He left excited and jubilant. He hugged and kissed me. Assured me all would be well. You see. I didn't want him to go out. I told him repeatedly to just stay home. Bring his girl friend over to be with us. But he left. Giddy. I remember every detail. Blue eyes sparking. He came home in a pine box. The next time I saw him he was laying on a pillow that Chelsea used; on his comforter that matched his brothers. 7 months before I had said good bye to my mom. In a purple casket lined with frills and satin. I wanted none of that. There seemed to be nothing fancy about this kind of ... View Post
She’s Nineteen Today
There were 10 at the table. Not really planned. Evolved. And I was so content. Laughter. So many talking at once. Full. You see. Sometimes hard things come so fast and furious. Stepping into joy becomes work. You expect heartache. You expect things to not go right. So when joy shows up at the farmhouse table it catches me by surprise. We were celebrating the college girl a day early. Celebrating life. The day she entered this world. I marvel at this young woman. Courageous and strong. Willing to take risks. Beautiful. Fun. She loves fiercely. Things ... View Post
It’s Time
I've been procrastinating for three years. A task I do not want to do. A task no one ever wants to do. A task that one shouldn't have to do. I have avoided Elijah's room. Pretend it doesn't exist. Closed the door to make it go away. His smell is still there. It's heady. It makes me weak in my knees. Sick to my stomach. His motorcycle helmet. The socks he changed out of. Still there. The sheets he had on his bed. But it's time. God said so. He sent one of Elijah's friends to ask if we had an extra room for him. Since our guest room will be filled; the only room is ... View Post
Forced Seclusion Begins a Much Needed De-Cluttering
I'm forced to seclusion. My allergies overpowering. My air conditioned bedroom; my reprieve. Haying, lawn mowing, beautiful blossoms; all causing me discomfort. So, I head to my bedroom. On a gloriously sunny day. I am forced to look at the clutter. The piles of clothes. The boxes of paper. Most of it needing to go. I begin the process. Cards sent when our world shattered. When our first born son was called to glory at 17. When cancer threatened to take a good man down. When the joy thief knocked ... View Post
Saying Good Bye is Never Easy
The call came early Monday morning. A week ago. Memorial Day. The catch in his voice. I knew. I hoped it was something else. Some other reason. My brother had called to share that our beloved Dad had journeyed to be with the Lord. Gone; from this earth. That deep ache; the constant pain rubbed raw. Another loss. The walk of grief well worn. The path of gratitude in need of work. I begin the journey to my dad. This time to say good bye. Making arrangements all so familiar. My ... View Post
To Hold the Moment
The petals danced in the wind. Pale, pink blossoms showering the yard. Spinning, whirling. Images of Anne of Green Gables The White Way of Delight flutter through my mind. Delightful visions. This tree. This moment. I want to hold it. The beauty. To behold. If we choose. I may have missed the significance; closed my eyes to what needed to be seen. We dash through life. Event to event. Attempts to numb pain. Create a rush. Rare do we pause; until moments like this; create ... View Post
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