He had less than a week left. Less than a week to live. Oh how I miss him. How I long to talk to him; to hear his deep, rich voice. What about you: if you had less than a week left? Do you know you're loved? Beyond anything you could ask or imagine. Do you live with purpose and passion? Or has something stolen that passion? He was passionate. He lived life. He grabbed hold of each event with gusto. He lived with an abandon that teenagers live. Never thinking he had a date with eternity in a week. He was making plans. Promises to a ... View Post
This Sea Of Emotions
I dream I am waking him up and he looks at me with those big blue eyes. It is the first time I have dreamed about Elijah since God called him home. It was so real. I woke sad. I fought through the day to focus on that which was positive. To count my blessings. To remember Elijah is with the King of Kings. His work finished here on this earth. He now reigns in Glory. Never to experience pain or hurt. Revelation 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the ... View Post
10 Months Of A Road I Never Thought I Could Walk
The days move along. Time has no respect for the heart. Maybe it was designed that way. The beat steady. Unwavering. 10 months of a cadence that is unfamiliar. A longing each day for what can not be. Reaching deep for strength. The earth a glow with spring color. Matchless in it's wonder. A palette stretched with colors unimaginable. The magnitude of loss so great; it mars the beauty. So I work. I step to see. Breathe. Listen. 10 months. I remember when you were 10 ... View Post
Do You Have A Hope And A Future?
We stopped at the Diner on the way home. I just love that place. 2 different strangers, now friends, sent gift certificates so we could go. It seems to be a good place after the hospital. The booths bring comfort. The coffee; hot and delicious. The food; just perfect. We talk. We make plans. It's the we that is so exciting. Recently I have done most of the talking. (Ok, so, I usually do most of the talking) But this time he shared too. It was wonderful. We talked about plans for the Spring. A plan. Things that ... View Post
Will I Ever Be Whole Again?
I just want off this road. I don't want to live without our son. We invest so much in our kids. We thrill at their successes and mourn at their losses. Our days are ordered around their life as we watch them become all they can be. Our family is a unit. Each with it's unique function; making us whole. Our dream is for them to be all they can be in Christ. We long for them to make this world a better place. To bring change to this hurting world. To be Jesus to the lost. To share hope. And when that dream is dashed; torn from you. We don't feel whole any more. There is ... View Post
Our Highest Calling
My Highest Calling. I stare at his picture. I still can't believe he is gone. My first born, my flesh and blood. I touch the picture. Longing to touch that skin, to hear the sound of his voice; calling me mom. I remember when he first called me mom. Do any of us ever forget? I had already lost a child that never called me mom. So this was precious. Oh, so precious. Those words came out. Words I had longed to hear. So much wrapped in 3 letters. 3 letters I will never hear from him again. I wrestle each day with how this can be God's plan. How such a fun, handsome, ... View Post
