January 11, 2021 I wrote this 7 years ago. I have reposted this today. The grief still stays. It changes. The longing to see my son is still so raw. Yet, my treasure still rests in heaven. I hope you're encouraged by these words. I pray that no matter what your days holds, that you know, "What Really Matters, Anyway?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- January 11, 2014 You didn't' store up treasure here on this earth. You weren't here long enough. The things of this ... View Post
Do You Ever Wonder What We Are Doing Here?
Do you wonder sometimes what it all means? I sometimes wonder. What are we doing here? What is my purpose. All this pain and uncertainty. What do I do with it? What is the purpose for each of these weary steps. Yet, I am amazed at the lessons learned and the things for which I am thankful. My farmer's side effects have been minimal. It is early still and someone reminded us that it is all cumulative. Still, it has been minimal. Today. We are half way through the treatments. Maybe not half way through the side effects, but half ... View Post
Instead Of Drinking My Coffee In Front Of The Fire, I Will Drink It At The Hospital
I don't want to leave. I want curl up by the fire with my coffee and read. I want to hold that sweet Lilah and listen to her coo. I want to bake or do anything than deal with cancer and living without our son. I pack the bag to have ready. Snacks, water. The bag a dear friends thought about to meet our needs. It will be a long day. Radiation and chemo. . .every Friday. The kids are coming. They will see the radiation and infusion areas. I prepare for their questions and the impending side effects. The nurses assure us, this will be the week. He is far enough in. I have ... View Post
How Worry Is NOT My Constant Companion
Today we head to the hospital. The questions we have had; answered. The preparation for chemo and radiation will begin. I do not know what this journey will hold. My spirit is weary with grieving. Yet in my weariness, as I pass the pole, I see someone has placed a cross. I am later told it was Alaria, Elijah's girlfriends sister. My weariness is from the unknown. But worry has not been my companion. Great sorrow, deep agony; Yes, they follow me. But worry has fled in the face of peace. Because peace has also been my faithful and constant ... View Post
Grace at the door. . .Day # 4 of Thankfulness
He stood at the door. A young woman by his side. There were tears in his eyes. He was struggling to find the words. I let him have his space. He said he was sorry it's taken him so long to come. He was in the Marine Poolee Group with Elijah. He too, in the Delayed Entry Program. I recognized him after a few moments. He was also a classmate of Elijah's. I also knew the young lady he was with. A cousin. Her Grandpa the fiddle player in the band Gary played in. He was leaving at 1:00 p.m. for Boot Camp at Parris Island. He had wanted to come and see us. One of the last things he ... View Post
Hope, Where Do You FInd It?. . . .Day #3 of Thankfulness
I love to hear the rain on the tin roof. There is something so soothing. I have fond memories of sitting with Chelsea on the porch. Reading stories, listening to the summer storms. One night, when she was little, we slept outside, on the porch. It was so much fun. It was so cold in the morning. Her daddy had headed to the barn, so it was just the two of us to keep warm. All the kids love the rain on the roof. When I was pregnant with Eleanor; Gary, Elijah and Cedric carried the TV and VCR up to the hay mow and we watched a movie up there. This was ... View Post
