It was Early Sunday Morning his Spirit left his earthly body. In the wee hours. While the night was still dark. While I slept. My boy left this earth. The shock of those days have lessened. They still fill me with a sickening feeling when I think of them. There is much I still do not know about that time. I can't. It was Sunday morning when the heaven's declared God's majesty. Oh how our hearts ache. We long for this to be a bad dream. I want something I can never have. Each morning I wrestle with the knowledge that Elijah will never ... View Post
The Anchor Holds
The day dawned. I stood on the porch; not wanting to be awake. Odd for me. The sun rose to meet me. Much like a year ago. The same sky. The same God. The world just a little older. The vastness of the Universe running through my mind. How Great is our God. Sing with me how great is our God. (Chris Tomlin How Great is our God It's not because of what He's done, but because of who He is. I can not fathom the why. I need to live in the, "what now". There is a life time of living still to be ... View Post
Is There Ever The Right Time?
I brush the dirt away. Dirt from the farm of his years. Splattered on the stone from rain, while it sat on the patio. While we waited for the right time. Is there ever the right time? Is there ever the desire to place a stone at your son's grave? There isn't. This stone. Another gift given by the community. Etched in love by a teammate apprenticing with a Master. A teammate that knows the loss of a brother. Another life taken so soon. The analogy is not missed. We are here on this earth; ... View Post
A Gift, We Hope, Will Keep On Giving
I walk into the auditorium. They are setting up for Honors Night. I feel the weight of grief. I stagger against the emotion. This is so hard. Each event tormenting in some way. I hand them the envelope. An envelope filled with a portion of a communities' generosity. It's been a year since we watched our red headed boy walk across the stage and receive the Music Department Award. He wasn't going to college. So there were no scholarships. He was going to serve His country. Now he resides with the King of Kings. In ... View Post
Even In the Storm. . . There Is A Promise
The rain falls. Heavy at times. Keeping rhythm on the tin roof. Drip. Drip. Drip. The beat of a drum. Constant and steady. A sound I miss dreadfully. The missing heavy. Deep within; the longing. I shut my eyes to listen. To the sounds. Grief sneaks up silently. Catches you unaware. It is all around. It is rent a Senior Day. How can it be a year? It seems like yesterday. So funny. So missed. There is no way around this pain. It hurts. It stinks. No matter how I try to shake off the pain. We step forward. Trusting, ... View Post
Turning Around Another First
A year of firsts that leave you undone. Reminders of all you have lost. Days when you shut the door to your heart because you absolutely can not feel anymore. You push hard, so you can breathe. Each breath measured so the next one will come. Bearing the weight that threatens to crush. Holding on with all you have; to promises made long before time began. Jeremiah 31:3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. It's prom. A thoughtful request for ... View Post
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