The dark of the day rises to meet me. The warmth of the previous days a tease. My son, my son, my soul cries out. I pass the accident site. Today. I slip. The images flash before me. Images I never saw. Images that played out while I slept. My darling red head. My first born son. Passed from this life while I slept. Oh, how I miss him. The deep, piercing ache creeps through my veins today. The wait for next tests for my farmer. I cling to the Ancient promises. The truth. This ... View Post
Rays of Sunshine
The sun streams through the one window not covered by blankets. My farmer is finishing up chores. The farm boy has come in to play guitar and unwind before he heads to school. How that boy is changing. He is shaking off the ways of this world; letting of of the anger and hurt. Reaching for the holy and true. Slowly the sharp edges are becoming smooth. A bit of grace on the farm. The milk checks grow thinner. The transition date seems miles away. The cold settles in. Much to lead to the path of ... View Post
In the Dark
The icy, wind creeps its way through the old windows. Floor to ceiling exposure to the the cold. We gather blankets from the nooks and crannies of this old farm house. Trying to keep warm. With each blanket we fight against the elements. A struggle to keep winter at bay. With each blanket comes the dark. Warmth comes at a price. I fight to not let that darkness permeate my soul. It is so close. Waiting Patiently. For me to fall. For me to surrender to the dark. To all the pain. To a ... View Post
The Journey Home
Tonight. They return. They've been gone a week. Half my family. Serving. Working. Sweating. Giving. Loving. In the Name of Jesus. To a people in need. I have missed them. Their journey home, begun. While they will long to be home; a piece of them will always remain in Haiti. I have not shared their experience. I am praying for understanding and wisdom. To hear their words. To see into their souls. I am looking forward to the ... View Post
Babies, Snuggles, Diapers. . . Oh My! Day #4 of Thankfulness
I start the day with coffee and a scone with a friend. She insists on treating me to my favorite latte. It's so nice to be out and visiting. I return home to a note from a sweet mama that she is in the area. She and her new baby and would love to stop by. Snuggles and visiting. A perfect combination. Later after a silly fb conversation I receive another note from a mama of three under three. She and another seasoned mama come for shortbread and coffee. The day has flown by. And there is contentment in my heart. There ... View Post
The Smell of Dog Pee Pushed Me On
I begin to clean my room. The room I have occupied since my wedding night. The room I have not cleaned since before the accident. Piles of stuff. Dirt. The smell of dog pee. I know it's in there somewhere. Yes. It's gross. And that's what I have been living in. I can barely begin to clean. I can't stay focused on anything. I try. I have help sometimes. A friend who is quiet and gentle comes to be by my side. We clean or organize and then it seeps in again. I hate living like ... View Post
