Alone. That's how I find myself this week. Plans to spend time with the youngest. Changed. And now. Alone. At first. I do not know how to react. Alone. In a room. A clean room. 2 beds. Meals prepared. Solid biblical preaching. All alone. My own schedule. Clean towels everyday. Coffee. Everywhere. In the room. In the lobby. In the dining hall. Alone. I don't do alone. I find someone to accompany me to the store. I fight off the panic that ... View Post
When You Become Older Than Your Brother
Today. She is 18. The age her brother never saw. The age we were anticipating. She, now older than him. We knew this would happen. He will remain. . . Young Forever. She,will forge on ahead. A life full of hopes and dreams. She will cling to her rock. Her Savior. Trusting for each day. At Summer Bible Camp she gave a testimony. Brief. Yet a reminder that Jesus reigns. That her life belongs to another. Her pain and sadness is known by a Holy and Loving ... View Post
Whom Shall I Fear?
I cut his hair. This man I call dad. My hero. Handsome. Fun. Handy. Now ordered and known intimately by the memory thief. He cracks a few jokes. We visit. It's time to go. I can feel the lump. The elevator; a mind of it's own today. My brother and I stand and wait. It's the leaving. I head to my car. I call my farmer. I can barely talk. I list off the "not right's" and the pain of the past 27 months. All the losses. So many. It clouds my ... View Post
Monday Musings
He talks about a heart change. About the bubbling that can spew from our mouths; a condition of our hearts. Another speaks of having every thought held captive. And my heart sours. These young people. So many. Once the youth in bible study and youth group. Now parents of small children. And I am taken back to the time when they were younger. How I loved their digging deep; their probing questions. And now here. When they are grown. Digging deep together. This is a gift. I usually teach. Not ... View Post
The Anchor Holds
The day dawned. I stood on the porch; not wanting to be awake. Odd for me. The sun rose to meet me. Much like a year ago. The same sky. The same God. The world just a little older. The vastness of the Universe running through my mind. How Great is our God. Sing with me how great is our God. (Chris Tomlin How Great is our God It's not because of what He's done, but because of who He is. I can not fathom the why. I need to live in the, "what now". There is a life time of living still to be ... View Post
Never, Ever Give Up
I climb the stairs. A routine established each night. His door is the first at the top of the stairs. Everything is so quiet. Two are at camp. One in heaven. I make a comment on face book about wanting to keep my kids young. The responses are interesting. No, they say. You want them to grow up and enjoy all they will become. Right now, those thoughts are hard to embrace. When they were young they were all here. They were safe. We have enjoyed the oldest. College. Moving to ... View Post
