These are words I typed out in the dark of the night this day last year. A heart longing for direction in the midst of grief. A heart that still longs to hear the voice of God. A heart still longing for the pieces to be placed back in the fragile shattered heart. September 10, 2013 What You Are Unprepared For What do you do with the book you find; given to Elijah from Nana on the event of Clarissa's birth? For a moment your heart skips. . .and you are brought back to that day. You can hear the sounds. You can hear your moms voice. You can see your sons excitement ... View Post
Do They Sing Happy Birthday In Heaven?
It's another year. Your birthday. I miss you. You'd be turning 19. You've spent your 18th and now 19th birthday in heaven. Away from me; away from your family- but present with the Lord. What I wouldn't give to celebrate with you. My heart so desperately wants this to be different. To have you here. With us. I won't dance a mother's dance at your wedding. But we'll share a wedding feast some day; grander than anything this earth could provide. Some days the ache is so great I literally propel myself ... View Post
And. . . He’s Off
He's heading off to college this morning. Elijah's friend. Ditching Marines for the Army. On an ROTC scholarship. So stinking proud of him. There is a dance of fine emotion in my being. A reminder of how much I miss my son. Yet, a glimpse into the goodness of God. I will pray for this young man and wait with great expectation to see where God will lead him. I will miss his "stop ins." Though they have become less frequent. I will continue to pray for the young people heading back to school. They have been ... View Post
How a Community Grieves; A Year Later
Another repost from the archives. These days are still so fresh as we journey forward. We have had many, many visitors this year to the farm. Friends I have not seen in years, bringing hugs and love. All trying to make some sense of this difficult time. It has been a year of grace and trusting through the storms. Our farmhouse doors will remain open. We will walk the journey in this life with bowed knee and eyes lifted to the heavens. Psalm 121:1-4 I lift up my eyes to the hills From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not ... View Post
Never, Ever Give Up
I climb the stairs. A routine established each night. His door is the first at the top of the stairs. Everything is so quiet. Two are at camp. One in heaven. I make a comment on face book about wanting to keep my kids young. The responses are interesting. No, they say. You want them to grow up and enjoy all they will become. Right now, those thoughts are hard to embrace. When they were young they were all here. They were safe. We have enjoyed the oldest. College. Moving to ... View Post
I Snapped The Memory
I wake and I can feel the oppression. It is heavy. The weight of loss; the ache. Sometimes it's so hard to pray. I don't know what to say. It feels trivial. I've said it a hundred times already. God please be with me. Please, do not leave me. I pray Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. I say the verse over and over. I long for Him to strengthen me. To hold ... View Post
