Sunday was Mother's Day. I spent the day reeling from the loss of our son. Being mom to less. A forever change. Wrestling with moving on and wanting to be stuck. In the back of my mind haunting me was my mom. But I couldn't even think about her. There are some places that are too tender to venture. Your heart just can't take it. So you push it aside and deal with the grief in front of you. I am not speaking of stuffing or ignoring. It's like that delicious book you want to finish. You wait until the quiet, when you can savor the characters and the ending of such a terrific journey. It's like ... View Post
Holding On To Hope
The sun peaks through the clouds. The air warm. Such a contrast to the winter's relentless icy blast. The sounds of Spring cut through the morning stillness. It is in these moments, each morning, that the strength for the day is nurtured. Dormant bulbs burst with the day's warmth. The gentle submission to the Father's will. The desire to seek obedience over sacrifice. We earn nothing. It is given. Freely. Ransom paid long ago for our souls. To be. To live. To have eyes to see the beauty when much ... View Post
He’s Said It Twice. I Need To Pay Attention
I've heard it twice. Each time a little different. But I heard it. And when God says something twice you need to stand up and take notice. The first time I heard it. It brought me to my knees. The conviction great. The torment real. The wrestling match begun. The people of Egypt were willing to go back to the land of slavery: the very land that bound them. Back to the people that enslaved them and treated them cruelly. Rather than head into a new land, the promised land, with God. It struck me. Am I willing to go into this new journey, unknown to me. . . with God; without ... View Post
When You Run On Empty, You Can Ooze All Over. . .
The kitchen is a mess. We have a house guest coming for 3 weeks. There is no safe way up the stairs and through the hallway with out a navigation system. The lawn needs mowing and I haven't taken time for my heart to be still. You would think after all these years I wouldn't get off track. But I have. Mother's Day, cooking, cleaning, church, games. All important things. But not the things that should matter. Finding that still, quiet time to pour over the Ancient Word is so crucial to my being. And I have filled the space with other ... View Post
When Mother’s Day Isn’t About Getting What You Want
I say good night to the kids. The farm house is quieting down. I pause, in the doorway to his room, as I do each evening before I head down the stairs. I can't stay for long because the feeling is so overwhelming. I think over the day. Mother's Day; it was so beautiful. We cooked on the grill and ate outside. We talked and felt the warmth of the sun on our faces. It felt good to just enjoy the creation around us. I turn and head down the stairs. The day was not what I expected. At some point I was told I needed to be ready ... View Post
He Made Me A Mom
He made me a mom. I was so sick when he took his first breath. In and out of consciousness. My memories formed from pictures. When he took his last breath I wasn't there either. He slipped into his heavenly home while I slumbered in mine. And this Mother's Day he won't be here. I am also a motherless daughter. Both my mom and my sweet mother in law in their eternal home. So where in the world does that leave me for Mother's Day? My first instinct is to run. All that is within me pushes against the coming of the Day. My heart ... View Post
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