It's another year. Your birthday. I miss you. You'd be turning 19. You've spent your 18th and now 19th birthday in heaven. Away from me; away from your family- but present with the Lord. What I wouldn't give to celebrate with you. My heart so desperately wants this to be different. To have you here. With us. I won't dance a mother's dance at your wedding. But we'll share a wedding feast some day; grander than anything this earth could provide. Some days the ache is so great I literally propel myself ... View Post
Do You Ever Cry Happy/Sad Tears?
Dwelling In Beulah Land Let the stormy breezes blow, their cry cannot alarm me; I am safely sheltered here, protected by God's hand: Here the sun is always shining, here there's naught can harm me, I am safe forever In Beulah Land. The strains of the third verse echo in this beautiful church. The words wash over me. He is safely sheltered here. . . protected by God's hand. The sun is always shining. . . naught can harm him. He's dwelling in Beulah Land. Elijah is safe from harm. My boy; naught ... View Post
Sometimes, It’s Really Not Fair
The email pops up. It's your birthday take $25 off your order. My mind racks. Whose birthday? I look. He rarely used his e-mail for anything. He used mine. My stomach lurches. The reminders painful. I try to remember to breathe. I can't hold my breath each time; each time there is a reminder. Death is permanent. What's on the other side is eternal. But here, this side of eternity; it's permanent. And it will tear you apart. The missing reaches into places you never knew existed. It can twist and turn until ... View Post
As Time Passes
It's been weeks since I've gone into his room. A hiatus from the reminders. Dust collects as time passes. Things undisturbed. Much the same way since the night he was called home. His room still smells like him. I close my eyes to remember. I miss him so. How does a life continue when your child, your hope and future are torn from you? How do the steps move with the ebb and flow when there is a deep chasm in your aching soul. Elijah was God's child. He was never mine to keep. Children are a gift from the ... View Post
Be Anxious For Nothing
Be anxious for nothing. Only when I have prayed hard? No need to be anxious. When I have saved enough money in my retirement? No need to be anxious. When I have anticipated every problem and am assured that I have done every thing to thwart an issue. Then I do not need to be anxious. When do we not be anxious? What about the time when you haven't prayed? That item left off the list. When something isn't planned all the way through. Is that the time to be anxious? Be anxious for nothing. My son walks out the door. He kisses me. He says he ... View Post
Backyard Dining Notched Up A Bit
We dined Alfresco. The girls, always in character, notched their table up a bit. Lights, candles; a special space. Dressed to the nines. They poured water from old wine and sparkling cider bottles. Hospitality. Fun. Memories. Moments when little girls were not thinking of grief or cancer. Psalm 118:4 The LORD has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad. Find just a moment today. A moment to give thanks. To be grateful. Even in the storm. God will meet you there. ... View Post
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