The dark of the day rises to meet me. The warmth of the previous days a tease. My son, my son, my soul cries out. I pass the accident site. Today. I slip. The images flash before me. Images I never saw. Images that played out while I slept. My darling red head. My first born son. Passed from this life while I slept. Oh, how I miss him. The deep, piercing ache creeps through my veins today. The wait for next tests for my farmer. I cling to the Ancient promises. The truth. This ... View Post
Rays of Sunshine
The sun streams through the one window not covered by blankets. My farmer is finishing up chores. The farm boy has come in to play guitar and unwind before he heads to school. How that boy is changing. He is shaking off the ways of this world; letting of of the anger and hurt. Reaching for the holy and true. Slowly the sharp edges are becoming smooth. A bit of grace on the farm. The milk checks grow thinner. The transition date seems miles away. The cold settles in. Much to lead to the path of ... View Post
I Will Trust You, Part II, Even in the Desert
The Israelites were asked to trust. To trust God to take them out of a land. To bring them to a land flowing with milk and honey. The problem was. . . They needed to go through the desert first. The barren, harsh, desert. For forty years they wandered. Forty years they waited to see the land promised. For most of those who left Egypt, they never lived to see the Promise. Are you in a desert place? During these desert times, God is ever present. As the Israelite's traveled they were hemmed in by fire and ... View Post
When I Couldn’t See
My dearest Elijah, It is Sunday Morning. February 28th. It's been 31 months since you breathed your last. I sit here by the fire aching from within. Life continuing its ebb and flow all the while something so not right. It is the pain a parent walks with each moment after a child has been taken. No matter how strong my walk with God. No matter how much faith I have; the pain remains. You are gone. My life here altered forever. I think of the sunrise that Sunday morning. The incredible grace ... View Post
I Will Trust In You
He takes my hand. That farmer of mine. I ask him how he is. He says fine. See, he lives by the thought; If I live; Great. If I die; Better. He asks me how I am? I begin to weep. You see, because I don't want to lose him. Because I am tired. I am weary. I am tired of bad news. I know there is good in everything. I seek that which is good. But today. For the moment. I am not fine. I am sad. I am scared. I am numb. The CT scan showed some ... View Post
In the Dark
The icy, wind creeps its way through the old windows. Floor to ceiling exposure to the the cold. We gather blankets from the nooks and crannies of this old farm house. Trying to keep warm. With each blanket we fight against the elements. A struggle to keep winter at bay. With each blanket comes the dark. Warmth comes at a price. I fight to not let that darkness permeate my soul. It is so close. Waiting Patiently. For me to fall. For me to surrender to the dark. To all the pain. To a ... View Post
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