It's the last day of radiation for my farmer. He needs some hydration after the treatment. He hasn't needed hydration at all except during treatment. How did they know he would need it now? I am so grateful. You can tell he needs it. He just perseveres. He never complains. He has been amazing through these treatments. There are so many lessons learned from the generations of farmers. If we all lived a little more like them, I think this world would be a much better place. I could be biased. I married one. Here are some lessons I have learned in the last 24 years from my ... View Post
The Super Bowl And The Almighty. . .All In A Day
It's Sunday. And I know his mercies are new every morning. It was the immediate thought that ran through my head when I saw the sunrise the morning of Elijah's home-going. His mercy and grace have been extended greatly in the past 6 months. We have been carried when we can not walk. We have been loved and cared for by our friends and community in ways I could never have imagined. I am glad for this day of rest. I am weary. The week has been long. My emotions getting the better of me most of the time. I can't sort out some of this ... View Post
Bringing Order Out Of Chaos
He rings the bell. The bell rung to celebrate the end of chemo. I try to take a video. My hands shake. We are done with chemo. Unexpectedly. We thought we had one more week. They had miscalculated. Last week was the last treatment. The toxic cocktails have ceased. We are on to the next steps. Life after cancer, and life without our son. I fight back the tears that threaten to spill. They let me ring the bell. I ring it loud. I ring if for my mom, for my husband; for my son that I so desperately miss. I ring it for ... View Post
Each Milestone I Need To Turn To Praise
I didn't take any pictures. It just didn't seem right. Something was lacking and I could feel it. But I wasn't going to give in. For 18 years we have gone to the farm show. As a family. Every year we headed to breakfast at the "Wayside Diner". Sometimes we'd have a late lunch but usually it was breakfast. The kids missed school and we would make a day of it. We pushed strollers; heavy with jackets and snacks. Some years we had a stroller, a back pack and a sling. It was tradition and a respite in the middle of ... View Post
A Challenge To Change
There are 3 days left. We meet with the Radiation Oncologist. I ask her what are the next steps. She nods that doctor nod. Which means; really, we don't know. She tells us we need to wait because the chemo and the radiation will continue it's work. We wait. Then in a few weeks there will be some scans. But really not until 3 to 5 years can we say that it's cured. She then tells us the next 2 weeks after treatments have stopped may be the most difficult. I stare at her with a blank look and think; how? These treatments are ... View Post
Do You Long For The Struggle To End?
When I think I can't take it anymore. I breathe deep. There are 4 more days. We can do this. We can make it. My house is out of control. Insurances are waiting for forms, tax preparations loom. I couldn't sleep last night. The first time in 6 months. I got up to pray and read those Ancient Words. I was reminded how the Israelite's were taken from their land. They were banished; sent into an exile they had been warned about. Yet they were told to prosper where they were placed. Even though they weren't in their homeland; ... View Post
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