It never goes away you know.
The ache.
The missing.
It’s always there.
Always.
A piece of you.
Your child.
Gone.
It never leaves me.
Ever.
I think about him all the time.
I wonder what he’d be doing.
How he would react to something.
Yes.
Life is ebbing forward.
Time.
All held in the palm of the hand of the One who called that time into space.
We lost our nephew a year ago today.
The heart wrenching loss.
My farmer’s youngest sister.
Now a part of the exclusive club no one wants to join.
A year since his kids have been wrapped in his loving embrace.
Sometimes I can’t make sense of this journey in life.
I want it to be different.
This day.
Is the birthday of my brother and a dear friend.
It is the death day of my beloved nephew.
I feel like I am banging my head against a wall.
I’m trying to celebrate the year Anniversary of our Guest House.
Trying to celebrate the birthdays of loved ones.
It all comes down to my focus.
Where does my hope lie?
This is tough stuff.
4 months after my nephew met Jesus my sister in law was diagnosed with cancer.
Yes.
It must be a family trait to lose a child and then be diagnosed with cancer.
She also has a daughter with a heart issue.
I watch her.
My sister in law.
She is amazing.
Really.
Her heart.
So tender.
So good.
She digs deep.
She sees the good in people.
Relentlessly so.
I long for my nephew.
I long for my son.
I long for a world where heart ache is no more.
Don’t we all?
My hope is not in this world.
It is a sinful, fallen world.
While beautiful in many ways; it is still fallen.
And no amount of time or longing will make it anything other than that.
That is why there is a God.
A God who reached down into the mess and chaos and gave.
His son.
On the cross.
For you.
For me.
A gift.
So we might live.
With hope.
With Grace.
With Mercy.
The things of this world will still come crashing down.
Pain is inevitable.
Death.
Heartache.
When God reached down and gave.
Those things of heartache became His.
His to carry.
His to own.
When we walk with Him he gives joy to the broken hearted.
Psalm 30:11
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
There is a remarkable amount of pain.
A path riddled with heartache.
This journey is also filled with grace.
Strength beyond anything I could have ever imagined.
Deep peace.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
As we remember my nephew this week; it is also his birthday week, I want to speak about the character of God.
While my heart aches; He is unchanging.
God is Sovereign.
Over all dominion.
He has promised life eternal.
He has spoken of turmoil in this world.
He has also spoken of his mercy through every step.
I am still here on this earth.
Breathing.
Walking.
Living.
My job is not finished.
I am learning to trust.
This unchangeable character of God.
To live a life different from everything I ever imagined.
Living each day with a choice.
To get up and seek God.
Each and every moment.
While I am here I intend to make every one of those moments count.
For Him.
It is not easy.
There is only One Name I want to proclaim.
Big Daddy Weave
When I wake up in the Land of Glory
With the Saints I will tell my story
There will be One Name I’ll proclaim
http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uMiyfiqSpw
