I wake to a raging headache. CT scans, phone calls, all swim in my head. It's later than what I want. I feel defeated before I am even out of bed. I need to make breakfast, but I can hardly see. I want to just re-post yesterdays things I was thankful for, because today, I really don't want to be thankful for anything. I just want to go back to bed. Did you see it? Can you hear it? It's all about "I". The way to destruction is to fill your sentences with "I". What "I" need, what "I" want. Each time it will lead you to the ... View Post
Be Anxious For Nothing
Be anxious for nothing. Only when I have prayed hard? No need to be anxious. When I have saved enough money in my retirement? No need to be anxious. When I have anticipated every problem and am assured that I have done every thing to thwart an issue. Then I do not need to be anxious. When do we not be anxious? What about the time when you haven't prayed? That item left off the list. When something isn't planned all the way through. Is that the time to be anxious? Be anxious for nothing. My son walks out the door. He kisses me. He says he ... View Post
Walking Into Praise
An unexpected phone call. Psalm 8:4 what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Words of encouragement from a stranger; now friend. Messages of hope intended for my farmer. Compassion and grace right on the other end of the phone. Unexpected. Humbling. Hard to take. Job 38:4 Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. I call my farmer. I share the encouragement. Hoping to lift his spirits. He asks me "Why am I so depressed when so many are praying?" I remind him of ... View Post
When Yesterday Is 7 Months Gone
Dear Elijah, It's been more than half a year since your feet have walked this earth; since time stood still and my heart broke in two. I can't believe that much time has passed. It feels like yesterday. 7 months of not my will, but thine. 7 months of learning to live a path I didn't ask for; death, cancer, treatments, grace. We all miss you a ton. Each day dawns with thoughts of you and remembering you're not with us. We all feel so incomplete without you here. It's hard to figure out how to do this walk. I miss your smile and the sound of your voice. I miss being your mom. I miss ... View Post
Bringing Order Out Of Chaos
He rings the bell. The bell rung to celebrate the end of chemo. I try to take a video. My hands shake. We are done with chemo. Unexpectedly. We thought we had one more week. They had miscalculated. Last week was the last treatment. The toxic cocktails have ceased. We are on to the next steps. Life after cancer, and life without our son. I fight back the tears that threaten to spill. They let me ring the bell. I ring it loud. I ring if for my mom, for my husband; for my son that I so desperately miss. I ring it for ... View Post
What I Learned From The Movie, Frozen
It happens later. After I have watched the film After I have been home; had a night's rest. While the farm house is still quiet. I ponder the movie. I always do. What themes are there? How could this be used in a classroom? What can we learn from this film? It's probably why I rarely go to the movies. This strikes me as I get my coffee. Fear. (I promise I won't spoil the movie) It's fear that drives her away. Fear of what she possesses and what will happen. Fear of the gift she possesses paralyzes her. It is what ... View Post
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