Will this ever be easy? Will waiting for the children to come home ever feel safe again? I hold my breath. I feel tense. My spirit unsettled. Waiting. For the axe to drop. Anticipating the negative. Icy cold fear. It creeps in. Slowly. While you're not aware. It is there. Gripping. Choking. The dawn will come and it will be 23 months since my boy walked the face of this earth. 23 months since I have felt normal, It has been 23 months of putting one foot in front of the ... View Post
We Yield, He Works, We Rest
Do you stumble out of bed? Is there a longing to pull the sheets over your head and wish the day would go away? I do. The desire to sink into quiet, no schedules, sleep past 5:30, rise to greet me. I always feel the need to be moving. I have to be accomplishing something. Yet somehow I feel as if nothing is ever done. I am just treading water. I stare into the fog this morning wanting to roll over and just shut it all out. I don't want to feel, or work through the day. I have an early morning meeting, the kids school ... View Post
Happy Birthday Mom
Mom would be 78 today. Be grateful for your time. Live. Love. Forgive. Be present, grateful to God, in the moment. ````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` It's my mom's birthday. She would have been 71. Her birthday so near Mother's Day. I would always send her flowers for Mother's Day and a present for her birthday. I remember her last Mother's Day. The woman asked me what I wanted to say on the card. I must have known in my spirit that this would be my ... View Post
Sometimes, What We’re Given, Is Not What We Want. Can You Relate?
He cracks a joke. His eyes twinkle. He doesn't smile. He doesn't have to; his eyes always have. He participates in a discussion. He prays. My farmer is feeling better. A weight beginning to lift. Even for a moment. His walk with the Joy Thief long. He has continued to climb those walls; doing the hard work. Nothing will ever be the same. But having a piece of him back is exhilarating. I miss his handlebar mustache. A different thief at work. Radiation and Chemo stealing unknown fragments along the way. Sometimes we don't ... View Post
Even Before The Day Dawns. . . Much Work Has Been Done
Even before the day dawns much has been done. The farmer rises at 3 even through chemo and radiation. The cows need to be brought in, milking machines set up and milking started. Most of this happens while the rest of the world slumbers. Including me. It is not until 5 that I crawl out of bed. These cold mornings it is more of a leap. I grab coffee and the Word to begin my day. Always coffee. Always God's word. 15 years ago, when I was in the thick of working and book work for the farm; an 11 year old step daughter, 2 children and one on the way, I prayed. I asked God to help me find ... View Post
