Twisting, turning, boiling. The chaos swirls around. A child testing all authority. A friend in a health crisis. My mom's birthday. Laundry, dishes. Friction in the home. Graduation looming. Memories that bring searing pain. So many things to pull me under. So many distractions to draw my focus from the One answer. Deep grief weighing heavily. Change on the horizon. So much change. I can not quiet the raging pace of life. I can not control the responses of all around ... View Post
Grief Is Work And It Takes Time
Some days the breathing is hard. As if I take a breath and all will spill over. The breath that will split the scar. The ache that lies just beneath the surface. Day after day. The missing. The longing. One more word. One more hug. A future. Where would he be right now? How is he feeling? I want to be numb. I don't want to feel the pain. It sears and burns. This thought line is in vain. It leaves an emptiness that can never be filled. These desires unfulfilled; this side of ... View Post
Those Ancient Words
. The Ancient Words Helping. Spreading hope. Our compass. Guiding and encouraging. Truth. And a reminder in a song. Those words are holy. Handed down through generations. Faithful ones, sharing their journey. Changing us. Molding us into the children we were created to be. The sustenance in my life. Evermore so these past 17 and a half months. When time stopped. The Ancient Word breathing life. Word by word. Though by thought. Reminder by reminder. The Captain at the ... View Post
For 17 Months Our Hearts Have Been Held By; God, A Community and Family, We Are So Grateful
A silent, still night. The ache remains. Even after 17 months. 2 birthday's. 2 Christmases. And much in between. A loneliness along with the ache. I have lost my child. Our family so changed. And sometimes I feel lonely. I feel like I was part way through a really great book, one I have loved to read. And now the rest of the book is gone. Never to be finished. Year One, you are numb when you decorate the Christmas Tree. The Ornaments, they leave you gasping ... View Post
I Have A Son, Who Is Rejoicing With The King of Kings
Facebook posts declare it. Pictures show it. Families reunited. Students returning home from college for the holidays. Church is full of those boys and girls; home. It is Lessons and Carols, a beautiful service, celebrating the birth and coming Savior. There is excitement and hugs. Joy. I am numb. I sit and literally focus on breathing in and out. The hollowness overpowering. My boy is not coming home. While I am grateful for those happy, sweet reunions. I can't experience that. And I so long to. My boy ... View Post
It’s Not Just Resting, It’s Resting In Day #16 of Thankfulness
It is when we feel least like being thankful that real gratitude is found. This week has been a struggle to find the thankful. Each day work. Staying the course. Seeking. Because gratitude takes eyes to see. A veil pulled back. Pushing through the moments. It's not an emotion or a feeling. It is life style. 1 John 2:17 The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. A way of life. The morning hours are fading. The work of the day stretching out; ... View Post
