Our family so changed.
And sometimes I feel lonely.
My mom giving memories each year in an ornament.
A gift, I have come all too suddenly to understand.
Each first, resounds with hollow echoes of what life was like and now so different.
The ache, deep, steps defaulting to the well worn path etched in our being.
A numbness permeates all you do.
A daily bowing in humbleness before the father for grace enough to make it through the day.
An endless sea of warm hearts making dinners, meeting basic needs.
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
Somewhere, somehow you touch earth, delicately at first.
Testing to see if you can stand.
Looking at all around you as if for the first time.
Because what once was will never be again.
Your dear child lies in the cold, dark of the earth.
The child you carried and hoped for, now, gone.
And no matter how much you know you will see him again,
no matter how deep the faith and trust in the One true God,
the reality remains that this side of eternity that boy will never be.
There will be no graduation from the Marine Corps and watching as his career grows.
There will never be a wedding and I will never have the honor of dancing the mothers dance with my red headed boy.
There will be no mini hims carrying on the Davis name and silly antics.
The list will go on until you lose who you are and long for the guttural screams.
It is not until the act of turning takes place that the journey can continue.
The act of the sacrifice of praise.
The 17 years we did have.
The treasured memory of an event spent together.
It is these moments that God reaches in and fills the shattered heart with the Holy Spirit.
It is a supernatural occurrence.
There is peace and a contentment in who this God of the Universe really is.
Because Year two the veil and fog that pulled you through year one has dissipated and you are left with raw, exposed emotions.
You take each one of those ornaments with the date and the year and you hold them to your heart. Longing to reach through the years and have time.
And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
My heart had ceased beating for a time.
My mind unsteady and unclear.
that descended to my soul that morning.
The beauty of creation; a universal language.
The praise uninhibited.
Even in raw grief.
Cancer will loom.
I had him for 17 years.
He’s been gone for 17 months.
There is coming a day.
And oh, how my spirit longs.
There Will Come A Day