The sun shines on the newly fallen snow. It has that sparkle. I sit in my bedroom, in the bay window. The warmth from the sun has been beckoning all morning. I have been so cold. It feels good to be warm. I hold the Ancient Word in my lap. I close my eyes. To be quiet in the presence of a Holy God. No requests. No words. Quiet. No lists. No worries. Quiet. I am still. Yet I fear. I fear what He will say. Since the accident. Since the ... View Post
My Useless Day
I have been useless. Sick in bed. This does not usually happen. We are mom's, we continue on, no matter how hard. There was no way. I was too weak and shaky to get out of bed. I was consumed with guilt. We have guests. This is my gift. This is what I love. But between the heat, 8 kids, including a 2 year old. I don't have it anymore. Nope. That boundless energy is gone. The desire. Once I could go and go. Making feasts and homemade goodies. Now. It is one step at a time. Now the sweet ... View Post
Holding On To Hope
The sun peaks through the clouds. The air warm. Such a contrast to the winter's relentless icy blast. The sounds of Spring cut through the morning stillness. It is in these moments, each morning, that the strength for the day is nurtured. Dormant bulbs burst with the day's warmth. The gentle submission to the Father's will. The desire to seek obedience over sacrifice. We earn nothing. It is given. Freely. Ransom paid long ago for our souls. To be. To live. To have eyes to see the beauty when much ... View Post
The Let Down From Our Desire vs Reality
I walk by his room. I lean into the doorway. It's a habit now. I breathe in deep. I softly call his name. I just want to hear it. I long for him to be bustling around late for something. He was always late. Couldn't find what he needed. So much like me. So many days it's the same endless feelings. Desire vs. Reality. Skinny vs Plus size. Clean house vs Messy. The desire to have studied more; the reality of failing. On and on it goes. We can run scenario after scenario of situations where ... View Post
When I Don’t Measure Up. . . I Need To Remember What I Wrote Earlier In The Week
I fall short. I don't measure up. I head down a road of self destruction. It is so easy to do. The dishes aren't done. The floors need to be mopped. The phone rings and there are bills to pay. The laundry is backed up again. . .the kids need help. (I didn't say they were helping. . .they need help) The house is so cluttered. One of the hydraulic hoses on the case blew. There's a flat tire on the Swinger. The Valtra is at the shop. My farmer worries me. I miss my son. My heart hurts. I am worn. It all clambers for my attention. Every ... View Post
The Landscape That Brings Such Peace; The Savior, Where I Find Rest
I love this farm. I remember the first time I came here. The first time I rode up the road on the bucket of one of the tractors. We came up the hill and the mountain and all it's majesty loomed before me; snow covered, silhouetted against a clear blue sky. It took my breath away and stirred in me an emotion I had never felt before. This place still does that. No matter the weather; Or the season. It is beautiful. It has been a blessing through sickness and the deepest of heartaches.I have seen life and death in this ... View Post
