It's been a while I wake to the heavy, raw feeling. My constant companion for so long. The weight pressing in. I haven't slept well. A needy dog. I feel tired. Worn. These days. Are the hardest. The pushing through. Imperative. Yet the strength it takes. The work. I close my eyes. I trust. I cry out to the LORD. It is only by his grace. It is by his power, that we move. His journey to the cross. My journey to glory. I will myself to begin the ... View Post
Stepping Forward; It’s Been 2 years
I want to stand in front of the pole And will it to not be. As if being there at the time of the accident could stop it from happening. I stare at the pole. Someone has so lovingly mowed this area and planted flowers. The knowledge that someone else remembers fills my aching soul. It is now 2 years since our boy walked this earth. 2 years of walking a path that is rough and ragged. This time has been filled with life - full, and moving on. Some days the moving on is so deeply painful. It takes all I am to ... View Post
The Glory Moment
I have it all wrong. See, when the list is so long. And the hours in the day not making it. I stress. I lash out. I want to hurry up so I can sit down. I quickly click off the task to be able to get to something else. While all the while the task at hand many be the very glory moment I need to be in. On my knees scrubbing the toilet bowl. (Yes, this is true) Or running out the door to bring a text book to the daughter who forgot. Or crying as I can't get to the grave of my son because they don't plow. What if those moments ... View Post
Waiting. . .How Well Do We Do It?
It is 6:00 a.m when we leave the house. It is still dark. I pray while we drive. Trying to calm the churning. I stare at the wall behind the bed. It is a familiar wall. They must be similar in each place. I hold Gary's hand. I close my eyes, I see the wall behind mom's bed. All the tubes and machines. I am holding her hand. Much smaller than my farmers. A beautiful hand with long nails, that even as life slipped away, she had manicured. Always on her own. Very few professional manicures in her life. I linger in the memories for a moment. But they are still ... View Post
