Just for a moment I am alone. I play one of my favorite cd's. It is quiet. And just for a moment I let my self remember. For a moment I am a mom of 6 again. Just for a moment. I let the tears fall as the quiet permeates my soul. These days have been so full. Teens laughing and filling our farmhouse table as our German daughter prepares to head back to her home country. College students home and visiting and it's been wonderful. But just for a moment they're all out. I cry the tears that have been on the surface for weeks. They fall Hot. Wet. This ebbing forward of ... View Post
Something Changed In Me -From Memorial Day to Labor Day
From Memorial Day to Labor Day - something changed in me. An usually hot summer and busy schedule left little time for relaxation. Extended time at the River, was rare. Racing and driving kids to activities was prevalent. But something changed in me. God asked me to take some steps out of the comfort zone I was striving to maintain. Memorial Day found me traveling to Fort Leonard Wood, MO to visit our Marine. He had an extended leave and wanted to know if I would visit. I have rarely traveled and only once alone. The guilt of leaving my family, anxiety of traveling alone sent me into ... View Post
This Is The Only Thing I Know To Do
There are teens in the house. Some sitting at the table. Some have gathered in the music room and rich harmonies flow. The house seems alive. The presence of God full in this place. My heart count down the days. Moment by moment. I try to push it aside. I try to distract myself. But it' there. It looms. The 5th Anniversary of Elijah's home going. I still can't believe it. I often still feel like it's a dream. My boy. My red headed, just graduated, complex, fiery tempered, blue eyed first born. He's gone. Torn from me without warning. And here I am. Still counting ... View Post
A Visit From Your Son’s Friend
When your son's friend stops over for a visit, it may leave you undone. It might also make your heart swell with remembering. The Thursday before Mother's Day he comes to the door. I didn't know he was in town and he stopped over. My mama's heart weeps. I weep that both his mama and our oldest farm boy call heaven their home. Both missed so deeply. Both gone way too soon. There was much for them both to do and say. Now. They know what we only see dimly. I Corinthians 13:12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I ... View Post
Remembering
I had a different post in mind for today. Yet, this one seemed to say more of my thoughts today. Remembering. The journey after losing your mom is quite the dance. It is deep breaths and sunny days. It is prayer and remembering. It is bitter tears and missing. It is all these things. Miss you Mom. Here is a re-post from May 7, 2016. Dear Mom, So many times I have picked up the phone to call. My heart hurts missing Elijah. Yet you reign with him on high. It was April vacation. I missed our time together. It was always so much warmer at your house. Such a perfect time to ... View Post
I Step Out on the Porch
I step out on the porch. Winter has begun to release it's hold. I hang the laundry. Piece by piece. I breathe in; longing for Spring. The sky is overcast. The 3 days of sunshine earlier this week were tempting us with it's warmth. I feel heavy today. It's been a fun week. I should feel elated and rested. The kids have been home and their schedules very relaxed. I continue to hang laundry. I hear sirens sounds; louder and louder. I pray. I think about my first born. I breathe in sharply. I must have subconsciously heard those sirens that night. I want to weep. I look at ... View Post
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