Even though the sun was shining I felt off. The whole day. Tears flowed no matter where I turned. A heaviness seemed to have settled and I couldn't push it off. The weight of all the troubles here seemed insurmountable. Gratitude felt trite and pious. It was a beautiful day. Temperatures warmer. Sun shining in every window. Warmth. Yet it did nothing to stir my soul. It did nothing to change my mood or lift the crushing weight of sadness and heaviness. I puttered through the house trying to tackle the huge list that has accumulated. The mudroom clutter grew as I became ... View Post
30 Days of Thankfulness, Day #17 When Gratitude Finds You
When Gratitude finds you. I have been intentionally looking all month. Each moment. But this time I wasn't. Each morning I wake. I struggle. I dig deep to Praise God. I dig deep to get up. Set my heart to gratitude. Intentional. Purposeful. Gratitude in Grief. Seeking joy. Knowing that God will meet me there. This time when I woke, I had a peace. When gratitude finds you. I wasn't searching. I woke with that deep, inner joy that has been missing for years. It was earlier than usual. I got up to get my coffee. I took out that Ancient Word and nourished this thirsty ... View Post
Happy Birthday! And Just Like That, She’s 16!
Happy Birthday, dancer girl!!!And just like that, she's 16. I am not sure where the time went or how we got here. But here we are. Our beautiful Christmas baby. Born when things were different. When death and cancer had not knocked on our door. A time when I spent waiting. Breathing in deep promises of what was to come. Moments of sitting and pondering. Heavy with child. The holiness of the season. Anticipation. Reflection. I resonated with these words Mary proclaimed. Luke 1:46 And Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord47 and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, What ... View Post
Day #27 of Thankfulness
Have these 27 days changed you? Is thanks more on your lips than not? They say it takes 30 days to establish a habit. We're almost there. My default is not thankfulness yet. It is still work. I hope the thanks comes a little quicker. We have named our thanks for 6 years of Novembers on this page. We have to want to change. We need to want it bad enough that it becomes a priority. I want to be a grateful person. I want to see beauty before the harsh. That is not always the case. I tend to be critical and judgmental. Harsh before soft. I'm trying. I try not to say everything ... View Post
Gratitude, Day #23 of Thankfulness
Gratitude Family gathered All together Missing one Forever remembering New memories made A sweet contentment Despite the ache Pushing through with gratitude Little voices Giggles Snuggles with Aunties Laughter with Papa Deep gratitude for what God has given Platters of food Thanks given Gathered round Farm house table Much chatter Request for pie hot coffee Deep gratitude Time for rest Flickering fire Holiday movie Glowing candles Dazzling Moon light More snuggles Frost on window panes Peace Quiet Thanksgiving ... View Post
We’ll Gather Together, Day #22 of Thankfulness
We'll gather together around the farmhouse table. Family. Eating. Laughing. Remembering. You see two of us mama's walk through this holiday with a deep ache. We remember Thanksgiving's gone by. Days when we were all together. The table full. Now there are empty spaces. Cousins gone within 2 years of each other. Place settings where no one will ever sit. The order of life interrupted and grief our companion. These children won't share in our meal. Our sons laughter will not ring throughout this farmhouse. Their sounds stilled in this life. Yet, we both are learning to ... View Post
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