The words have not flowed. I struggle to quiet myself long enough to write. So much has been happening. I delve into the Psalms and scripture longing to string thoughts together. Nothing comes. The pages remain blank. There was a starkness in my heart as the Winter progressed. The snow fell. Temperatures fell well below zero. Many days our boiler was out. We didn't have enough wood. I was cold. Our toilet stopped flushing and we have had to bucket flush for months. Milk prices continued to fall. The bank would not lend us any more money to finish the barn. Months had passed ... View Post
He Made Me Laugh
He made me laugh. That second born son. The one who shoulders the weight. The future. He made me laugh. He loves Christmas. Always has. Little sleep. So excited. A bundle of joy. Energy. Complying with my request, for a cup of coffee, before presents, on Christmas morning; he will have one waiting. . . long before it is time to be awake. Energy. Sheer joy. Over presents. Over a babe in a manger. Wonder. Contagious. And at 15 that joy is still there. I walk into the dining ... View Post
Fill My Cup
She stands at my door. She who has lost much. My mind flashes to the first time I saw her at my door. She and her beloved husband. Standing there. He, with his mug ready for filling. Hot coffee was needed. A twinkle in his eye. A kindred spirit. She stood there quiet while I filled his cup. She now stands in the same space. But the life long partner has been called home. She stands taller. More sure of herself. She gives me encouragement. She fills my cup. Isn't that what we need to do? Aren't ... View Post
The Hope For Today Lies In the Surrender
The sun rises in its glory. It will be another beautiful day. Such a gift to farmers. Hope. It is 11 months today. 11 months of not my will but thine. A journey I do not want to travel, but must. This place is uncomfortable and unpredictable. I long to change the path. I will for it all to be different. I want to hear Elijah's voice. I long to have my 17 year old be 18. I wrestle fiercely in my spirit. We are not of this earth. This. This is not our home. We are on a journey to eternal life. This path is lived with bowed knee. In ... View Post
We Yield, He Works, We Rest
Do you stumble out of bed? Is there a longing to pull the sheets over your head and wish the day would go away? I do. The desire to sink into quiet, no schedules, sleep past 5:30, rise to greet me. I always feel the need to be moving. I have to be accomplishing something. Yet somehow I feel as if nothing is ever done. I am just treading water. I stare into the fog this morning wanting to roll over and just shut it all out. I don't want to feel, or work through the day. I have an early morning meeting, the kids school ... View Post
When The Thunder Rolls
The rains came. The wind picked up and blew those storm clouds right over this farm; and the fields where we were haying. The gusts strong and the temperature change severe. Loose items on the farm blew around. The thunder roars. It is so easy to get discouraged. Everything hangs on the quality and the quantity of the feed. The rain is not a good part of the equation. Bale wrapping equipment can't run in the rain. Wet bales will not produce good feed. I wallow in the pit for a few minutes. I start to count the ... View Post
