Each year I would begin calling my dad around the end of March. The countdown to my birthday had commenced. We played this game for years. Well into my adulthood. Long after I should have stopped. I loved it. Mom had a knack for making birthdays and holidays magical. It wasn't anything she bought. It was her excitement. It was catchy. She singled you out. For worth. For purpose. My birthday meant Spring. The end of the cruel winter. Each birthday wonderful. Spent with family and friends. It didn't matter what we did. I just loved being together and celebrating. Mom is ... View Post
Walking Into Praise
An unexpected phone call. Psalm 8:4 what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Words of encouragement from a stranger; now friend. Messages of hope intended for my farmer. Compassion and grace right on the other end of the phone. Unexpected. Humbling. Hard to take. Job 38:4 Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. I call my farmer. I share the encouragement. Hoping to lift his spirits. He asks me "Why am I so depressed when so many are praying?" I remind him of ... View Post
Just Because
It's still there. I breathe in deep. Just a hint of his smell. I hold his pillow. I lay my cheek on the softness. I rock back and forth. I linger in the memories. It's the missing that can consume. A desire around the pain. Any way but through. The wanting to hear his voice; call me mom. We sit at the dinner table. We light his candle. We just miss him so much. And at some point you have to just stop the missing. Because He's not coming back. All the uncomfortable shouts at us. Cedric balks at going to summer ... View Post
No Matter The Hurt, Or Pain; See. . .He Is Doing A New Thing
I am restless. The pain searing today. The missing overpowering. The unknown of cancer lingering. Will the treatments work? How much more will they affect my farmers body? The future unknown and looming before me. My soul longs for relief. Relief from the constant pain, the constant longing for my son. Longing for family time all together. That which will never be. Sometimes I think my heart will shatter into a million pieces. Other times, I think it already has. This is all too much to bear. The weight is heavy and His burden ... View Post
Letting Go and Letting God. . . Day #12 of Thankfulness
Cancer, radiation, chemo, Elijah, our new baby, the kids. My mind swirls. It hasn't even been a year since my mom walked a similar journey. Our son has been gone for 16 weeks. Now we face another battle. And I am weary. I can't feel. My soul is numb. Yet I can't deny the grace that is poured out. 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on ... View Post
The Juxtaposition of Life And Death, Welcome Lilah Rose
New life. It has been six years since we wrote this post. This beautiful Farmette is now turning six and in Kindergarten. She is a joy and a reminder of beauty from the ashes. She is hope and sunshine. She is the future and grace all wrapped together. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- October 24, 2013 It is the middle of the day. I am at the grocery store doing a full shopping for the first time. My phone rings. It is Adam, our son in law. It is 12:43 p.m. I feel warm and peaceful inside. The first time in almost 3 ... View Post
