I have a confession to make. I don't trust Him enough. At all. I get a call from a friend. She says I am not trying to be a nosy neighbor but I wanted you to know your tractor and manure spreader were stopped by the police. I start to shake. I tell her thank you. I can't stop shaking. I call Gary. I hang up the phone. I sit at the desk and shake. The tank could have flipped. My mind races. I relive the accident night over again. I hear God's voice. Do you trust me enough? My shaky voice answers, No. I don't ... View Post
Laughing In The Graveyard
The boy leaves me undone. Most days are difficult. Each word is poison and I can't begin to help him. He's lost a brother. Dealt with his beloved father being so sick and he's 14. I would come unglued. He's still fragile in the faith. And he's lashing out. But sometimes there are glimpses of what is to come. The veil pulled back and the blue eyes shine. There is humor and there is a sensitivity, so like his fathers. But this growing and stretching is hard on me. So when there is a calm. I embrace it. When ... View Post
Being In It For The Long Haul
I am in this for the long haul. This journey, called life, is only a shadow of what is waiting. It demands endurance. We have a family moving out to farm alongside us. They are packing all they own and know and hauling it across this beautiful country. They have a long haul in front of them. This is a new culture and climate. Many adjustments. They need to be in this for the long haul. This journey in life. It is not easy. It is riddled with strife, heartache and shattered dreams. There is great beauty, and there is deep pain. Yet there is comfort and hope for the ... View Post
These Words, To Live By
Because He Lives. . I can hear her singing now. I can face tomorrow, Because He lives, All fear is gone. I know the words by heart. She often sang it as cancer's clutches tightened their grip. Because I know who holds the future, And life is worth the living Just because He lives. My mom loved music. She loved all kinds of music. I grew up listening to albums of the Beach Boys, Rhapsody in Blue, The Kingston Trio and even the Smothers Brothers. There was always music coming from that stereo in the ... View Post
Do You Have A Hope And A Future?
We stopped at the Diner on the way home. I just love that place. 2 different strangers, now friends, sent gift certificates so we could go. It seems to be a good place after the hospital. The booths bring comfort. The coffee; hot and delicious. The food; just perfect. We talk. We make plans. It's the we that is so exciting. Recently I have done most of the talking. (Ok, so, I usually do most of the talking) But this time he shared too. It was wonderful. We talked about plans for the Spring. A plan. Things that ... View Post
A 6 month Walk No One Wants To Take
I stand still in the kitchen. I have cried out to God most of the day. I am tired of cancer. I am tired of missing my son. My soul is unsettled and I long for peace. So I stand. In the kitchen that I hardly use any more. Meals continue to come. I have little to offer. My soul weary from the battle. So I stand. It is quiet. I breathe deep. I sense the presence of God. The peace that passes all understanding surrounds me. For a moment the cancer is gone, the sting of death is appeased. I stand for a moment ... View Post
