My Highest Calling. I stare at his picture. I still can't believe he is gone. My first born, my flesh and blood. I touch the picture. Longing to touch that skin, to hear the sound of his voice; calling me mom. I remember when he first called me mom. Do any of us ever forget? I had already lost a child that never called me mom. So this was precious. Oh, so precious. Those words came out. Words I had longed to hear. So much wrapped in 3 letters. 3 letters I will never hear from him again. I wrestle each day with how this can be God's plan. How such a fun, handsome, ... View Post
What I Learned From The Movie, Frozen
It happens later. After I have watched the film After I have been home; had a night's rest. While the farm house is still quiet. I ponder the movie. I always do. What themes are there? How could this be used in a classroom? What can we learn from this film? It's probably why I rarely go to the movies. This strikes me as I get my coffee. Fear. (I promise I won't spoil the movie) It's fear that drives her away. Fear of what she possesses and what will happen. Fear of the gift she possesses paralyzes her. It is what ... View Post
How To Make More TIme In A Day
I look into those beautiful blue eyes. His sons inherited them. One still growing, the other, his eyes closed for all of eternity. I turn away. Tears threaten to spill over. I hate to see him like this. It breaks my heart. I have no control. The outcome unknown. The toxic cocktails supposedl, targeting the cancer that threatens to consume his life. Yet the journey there, leaving him tired, and weak. Stepping each moment in faith and hope. Grace met us once again as one of the nurses prays with us. We are strengthened and encouraged. These glimpses ... View Post
How Climbing That Hill Is Always Better With Others
I went for a walk yesterday. It started out with my walking buddy. But God was writing my "To Do" list. So we gained two other people. It was glorious to be outside. The sun was shining, the air crisp; yet invigorating. (Not the, "I want to run back in the house feeling") I haven't walked since the fall. It's been too cold and icy. And dark. My walking partner and I are not hardy like that. We are fair weather walkers. Enough said in a state where the sun rarely shines. And it's dark. But we walk today. We get to the bottom of the hill and I am done. I get ready to ... View Post
We Press On, In Jesus Name
It's the moment just before I wake. Just before my eyes open that it all weighs down. The magnitude of loss, the reality of cancer, finances hanging in the balance. It is in those same moments that the battle for the day wages. My whole being wants to burrow down in; refuse to go on. How can I? When all I have known is changed. All that I was created to be has been ripped from me. The day to day has changed for ever and the future for one, decided. A mommy shouldn't have to bury their child. It is ... View Post
There Are Some Things That Need To Be Left Undone
I still have a few of them. Most, I have given away. I found them that morning. The morning he never came home. The morning the police met me at the door to tell me my son had been killed. That he was gone. There they were on the breakfast bar. I had hounded him day after day to write them. He would sit and write one or two while I cooked dinner or cleaned the kitchen. We would talk. It was nice. Little did I know those moments would become so precious, so dear. He didn't address them or put them in envelopes. He just wrote them and left them in ... View Post
