I awoke early that morning. A content, exciting feeling washing over me. I was marrying my friend. It was a good thing too. Our journey would take us through many hills and valleys. Uncharted territory. Christ as our compass. Joined together. Friends. Just a month before he had proposed in a horse barn at the Tunbridge Fair. He asked if I would spend a life time being friends? We would taste bitterness and disappointment. Child birth and child death. 'Til death do you part passed beneath our doors. For richer has not knocked too often. . . poorer has been a constant ... View Post
Until Then . . .
Gone is the sunshine streaming through my window at 4:30 am beckoning me to the day. Darkness now permeates the waking hour. It is a welcome respite in many ways. I hunker down for a few extra minutes relishing the warmth under the covers. My farmer has been long gone to the barn. Rising early to milk the cows. I could stay here longer; but I don't. My feet hit the cold floor and I make my way to the kitchen. Hot coffee awaits; grateful for my farmer. I head to the Ancient Word. Moments of quiet and restoration. I begin to prepare for the day. These quiet moments nourish my ... View Post
Having Eyes to See
5 years, And now. 6 birthdays. He would be 23 this year. I still don't know what to do on the day. I still don't know how to live this life and reconcile the death of my child. So, I write. Streams of consciousness. A desire to wrestle through the ache and the pain. Elijah Todd Davis. September 2, 1995- July 28, 2013 You made me a mom. I marveled at your red hair. At 9.1 oz, 22 inches you were more baby, than new born. After the loss of our first baby, you were a healing balm. My arms were full. My heart grateful. I remember those first days. The change of seasons. Crisp ... View Post
It’s So Dry
It's so dry. It rained last night. . . finally. . . and it's still so dry. Spots that are crunchy when you walk. Brown, where there should be green. Dry river banks where there should be water. And I can feel the fear trying to creep in. We're known as the "Green Mountain" State. Yet, in some areas, the green is hard to see. Today, as I walk this farm I am discouraged. Being without a barn all last winter caused us many difficult issues with the cows. Teat ends that froze, now oozing mastitis. Volatile Somatic Cell Counts, PI Counts. . . Heifers that are smaller than ... View Post
Expect the Unexpected.
Expect the Unexpected. That moment when air seems to be lacking. Breathing is a chore. Hot, molten tears press hard. Chaos great. Those moments. The unexpected. I try to reach out. I cry out to God. How did we get here? How? I try to focus on a breath. My chest heavy with grief, too much going on. I don't know how to sort it all out. Sometimes there seems to be no right answer. My heart is weighed down with the things of this earth. We can let life just pile on the pressure if we're not careful. The unexpected. Deadlines, kids, marriage, bills, haying, chores, heat; ... View Post
What I Didn’t Know -Life
There are times in life when it's so good you don't know how good it is because you're so busy living it. I have had a few times like that in my life. One time was with Neighbors that were so. much. fun. I didn't know how wonderful it was because we were just doing life; together. My first glimpse of my neighbor was an early school morning when the bus came. We both came outside with steaming mugs of coffee, we waved and something instantly bonded us. Guitar hero play offs, singing kareoke (is that a redundant term?) and so many other things. 2 beautiful daughters and a smart, ... View Post
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