Discouragement. Do you ever struggle? It creeps in uninvited. It is different than depression. In some ways worse. It is the tool the enemy uses when he can find no other way. Our Cedric has descended into the pit of discouragement. It is painful to watch. In his world nothing is going right. And he's right. So much is, oh so wrong. So many changes for one so young. As adults we are struggling; how in the face of youth do you take on these monumental burdens? Cedric has a desire to work this farm; it runs deep through his ... View Post
Advent: A Season of Waiting and Preparation
When you're in the middle of Advent and you're waiting; longing for Christs return. Longing for anything other than this path. Sometimes the pain is so searing it leaves me dizzy. The magnitude of the loss overpowering. Gary plays a message on his phone and it rips my heart right open wide. His voice. Oh, how I miss it. I knew his voice. I recognized it. I knew his step on the stair. These things a mama knows. And when those things are taken away - ripped right away from this life, it leaves you reeling and teetering for something to grasp. Because the hurt and pain of this world cuts like a ... View Post
When You Don’t Feel Like Being Thankful. . . Day #23 Of Thankfulness
At times being Thankful is so hard. With all the grief and heartache, all the things that keep going wrong, it's hard to find the breath to be thankful. Inside burns; my whole world seems so fractured. Yet, I want to be thankful. I want to live the life God intended. I Thessolonians 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. It is a decision to be Thankful. It is a lifetime spent seeking for that in which to be grateful; even in adversity. Even when your world comes crashing down, and for a moment ... View Post
Hope, Where Do You FInd It?. . . .Day #3 of Thankfulness
I love to hear the rain on the tin roof. There is something so soothing. I have fond memories of sitting with Chelsea on the porch. Reading stories, listening to the summer storms. One night, when she was little, we slept outside, on the porch. It was so much fun. It was so cold in the morning. Her daddy had headed to the barn, so it was just the two of us to keep warm. All the kids love the rain on the roof. When I was pregnant with Eleanor; Gary, Elijah and Cedric carried the TV and VCR up to the hay mow and we watched a movie up there. This was ... View Post
30 days of Thankfulness
The Halloween festivities are over. The candy hidden away from other siblings. Clarissa is still out. I climb the stairs to kiss the girls goodnight. I linger at his door. I look around. How does it come to this? How can I be left to carry on? Oh how I miss him. My child, my son. I gaze at his airsoft guns. The clothes still not put away. His motorcycle jacket and helmet. The ache remains embedded in my heart. I think of all the mom's whose children have gone before them. I can hardly pray. It is more a groan.I turn and walk down the hall to ... View Post
Pumpkins. . . They Can Leave You Undone. . .
Pumpkins. Who knew? Who knew pumpkins would drive me to my knees. I tell my friend that once again I am not in the running for mother of the year. We did not grow pumpkins this year. Nor have I bought any. We were headed to get some last Thursday. Some apples too. But instead we got a call to go and welcome baby Lilah. So, no pumpkins. Just a wee little pumpkin seed to hold. I move through the day making chicken and biscuits with mashed potatoes for more than 20 people. It is my last night to host the Youth Bible ... View Post
