In the deep place I rest. Knowing that He who made me can also calm me. I rest. In His unfailing love. I gingerly step forward. In hope. Clinging to what I know. Pressing forward, not in my own strength. But that of the One who gave all. We make changes in feed for the farm. We discuss plans for the land. What does it require to be fertile? To yield all that it can. How do we replenish nutrients lost from cropping? Good management is critical for survival. Our relationship with the Almighty is just as ... View Post
A re-posting of: What You Are Unprepared For
These are words I typed out in the dark of the night this day last year. A heart longing for direction in the midst of grief. A heart that still longs to hear the voice of God. A heart still longing for the pieces to be placed back in the fragile shattered heart. September 10, 2013 What You Are Unprepared For What do you do with the book you find; given to Elijah from Nana on the event of Clarissa's birth? For a moment your heart skips. . .and you are brought back to that day. You can hear the sounds. You can hear your moms voice. You can see your sons excitement ... View Post
As Time Passes
It's been weeks since I've gone into his room. A hiatus from the reminders. Dust collects as time passes. Things undisturbed. Much the same way since the night he was called home. His room still smells like him. I close my eyes to remember. I miss him so. How does a life continue when your child, your hope and future are torn from you? How do the steps move with the ebb and flow when there is a deep chasm in your aching soul. Elijah was God's child. He was never mine to keep. Children are a gift from the ... View Post
Learning How To Go With The Flow
I fear complacency. I fear a haughty heart in the face of a holy God. Obedience calls. But to what? The way is so unclear. The future looming. The days unknown. Weariness creeps in slowly. A heart pressed in on all sides. Reaching through to the joy. Yet, veiled by grief. Where do we go from here? What is the calling? The immediate rushes. I long for relief. I breathe slowly. Time to slow the pace. There is no way to the other side, but through, this journey. Psalm 23:4 Yea, though I ... View Post
Swaying With The Changes
The kids will head to camp today. I can't get the teenagers up to help get chores finished. But today they are up shortly after me. Excitement. Camp. Memories. Time with fellow believers. Growing closer to God. Being refreshed and renewed. Reminders of hope; of life everlasting. I will make the drive to New York without my farmer. Life goes that way some times. There was a breakdown yesterday. So plans, for today, are changed. I don't do so well with change anymore. I can feel myself being ... View Post
I Am Found
Each day I read last years post. Counting down the days of his life. Searching for meaning. Something I have missed. Like an addict looking for a hit. I want to see something. I long for just a glimpse. It consumes me; if I let it. How I want to touch or feel something connected to him. These final days of his life. He would live for 19 more days. That is it. I didn't know. My son. Full of hope; a future. We were mourning the loss of our puppy. Still grieving my mom, my parents dog, my dad's ... View Post
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