The bell tolls. It's been more than 20 years since I have heard that sound. It stirs the memories held deep. The 4 months I lived across the street. When time was measured by the toll of the bell. The hour. The half. It seems like a life time ago. All my future still before me. Young, innocent. My walk with God was different then. He was all I had. There were few distractions. Much time spent in prayer. Though the richness and depth came with time. As I turn the corner the tolls end. I can feel the companion of sadness and loss begin to permeate. ... View Post
The Let Down From Our Desire vs Reality
I walk by his room. I lean into the doorway. It's a habit now. I breathe in deep. I softly call his name. I just want to hear it. I long for him to be bustling around late for something. He was always late. Couldn't find what he needed. So much like me. So many days it's the same endless feelings. Desire vs. Reality. Skinny vs Plus size. Clean house vs Messy. The desire to have studied more; the reality of failing. On and on it goes. We can run scenario after scenario of situations where ... View Post
In The Fields I Choose To Remember
The peaceful and quiet, I seek. Stilling the rush of the urgent. Finding the space in the hush. Echoes of memories threaten the peace. I reach deeper for the still. Psalm 121:1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. In the fields I choose to remember. The memories run free. The pain unleashed among the grasses green. My soul filled with ache, knows no boundaries. The sky meets the earth The presence ... View Post
Chin Up, Shoulders Straight. . .Advice From My Dad
Chin up Shoulders straight Fly right My father's advice through the years. There were many other colorful pieces of advice he would share that I won't mention here. But these. These have stayed with me. I don't know where he got this. His father died when he was 12. So I am not thinking it was fatherly wisdom. My dad is a man of few words. (not always appropriate either, insert wink) Now he is a man who has the memory thief as a constant companion. But he spoke these words to me often enough that they have stuck. This morning ... View Post
We Don’t Like To Be Uncomfortable. . . But Sometimes Uncomfortable Is Where We Need To Be
They sit in the corner and gather dust. Memories on hold. The beat stuck for all time. I don't know what to do with them. Mostly I stand and stare. While another piece of my heart breaks away. I remember. I try to hear the sounds and feel the rhythms to no avail. They are silenced. It's a new rhythm now. Set in a key and time change I am not comfortable with. There are too many accidentals and I stumble over the melody line. The timbre harsh and abrasive. Some new friends come to visit. Members of the club no one asks for. Further along the ... View Post
It’s Not for The Faint Of Heart. . .Or Those Who Like Steady
We are running out of feed. Again. Honestly, I can't wait for this winter to be over; yet I wonder what this coming year will hold. We are heading into our dry time. We are micro-managing every penny spent and what needs to be bought. We want to turn everything around. We are so tired of struggling. Really. Everything is a struggle. Nothing seems fun. It's not supposed to be like this. When did the fun stop? When did we begin this downward spiral? I don't think it has as much to do with finances than it does ... View Post
