It's the future that echoes. The hollow emptiness that will ever be. It's what all parent's feel at the loss of their child; of a loved one held dear. It tears and pulls at the heart. A daily struggle to rise and count the grace given for the moment. It is deep anguish thrashing to consume. Stepping towards hope against the raging current. Your son ripped from you in a moment. Searing loss. Moments that can never be again. It's been 9 months. The tears come wrapped in a cocoon of grace. The shattered fragments of my heart held tightly ... View Post
The Question That Begs An Answer
The doctor asks my farmer, "What do you like to do?" And I watch my farmer. He doesn't know. Right now, he hates farming. There are aspects he used to enjoy. Maybe even love. A deep satisfaction. Now, it produces stress. Reminders of a beloved red headed farm boy; heading to the Marines. He used to play music. . . we both did. Kids and life got in the way. I start to think. What do I like to do? I used to love to teach. It is in my blood. But with 6 children, a farm, a home, working out became impossible. My career shifted to domestic ... View Post
Trusting Is All I Have
It's the tears that come today. Not the words. Elijah's Baptism here on the farm. Psalm 100:5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. First day of Senior year Psalm 39:4 "Show me, LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. Winter ball Senior year Psalm 139:16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. The memories ... View Post
When Trusting Comes Hard
I have a confession to make. I don't trust Him enough. At all. I get a call from a friend. She says I am not trying to be a nosy neighbor but I wanted you to know your tractor and manure spreader were stopped by the police. I start to shake. I tell her thank you. I can't stop shaking. I call Gary. I hang up the phone. I sit at the desk and shake. The tank could have flipped. My mind races. I relive the accident night over again. I hear God's voice. Do you trust me enough? My shaky voice answers, No. I don't ... View Post
Seeing The Wonder
I walk onto the field. It's the first home game. The first time I have walked onto this field since Elijah played. My friend is with me. She who has walked with me and supported me. Surprisingly, a sense of peace washes over me. I was blessed. So blessed by my son. I loved watching his team play. I think back to the day Caleb brought those sticks to the house. I didn't even know what the sport was. The kids loved it. Lacrosse became their game. I smile remembering. I look ... View Post
Sometimes He Does; Sometimes He Doesn’t
She asked for a banana and she was given 92. Just one. That's all she asked for. An impossible situation. She was a prisoner in New Guinea during the war. A missionary placed in a prison camp. Then accused of being a spy. Faith like a mountain. In the cold hard cell, Darlene Deibler Rose gave thanks for the tile. It meant she was out of the dirt. A blessing. She counted her 1,000 gifts right there in the prison cell. A woman alone. Her husband taken from her and gone the way of the saints. She was starving and ... View Post
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