Side by Side

The halls echo with a strange familiarity.
The routine.
Tests, scans, dr’s visits.

Forced date days.

Side by side in waiting rooms.
Small cubicles.
Waiting;
for tests, for results, for decisions.
Side by side.

Usually, I am eager to send out updates.
To include the larger circle.
For prayer.
For support.

This time.
I couldn’t.
I couldn’t type the words.
I couldn’t make the phone calls.
I think the journey has just become too weary.

But how can that be? 

We serve a Mighty God.
A God who has allowed all things to filter first, through His hands. 
If I am walking hand in hand with the Author of all my circumstances, how then, can I grow weary?
It is when the weight of all the world rests upon you.
When you have taken on more than you need to bear.

I don’t talk of the growth in the scan.
I don’t mention that we need to go see another doctor for an Ultra sound.
I don’t share that the radiologist is concerned and wants a PET scan.

I want to just make it all go away.
I don’t want to go through the emotional, “what if?”

I sit in silence.
I become irritated at our church Annual Meeting.
These tiny things seem so insignificant.

I feel alone.
Scared.
Raw.

The political scene gathers negative momentum.
I try to shut it all out.
I don’t want to hear it.

Until.

I read these words in an email from our Pastor.

Philippians 2:1-18

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.”

God’s light shines brighter than any test or diagnosis. 
His grace fills us with strength from deep within.
His power propels us through the hardest of times.

In these quiet moments my heart finds the rest it needs.
Stepping into the Ancient Word. 
Believing with all my heart that God is in control.

He has not left His throne.
He is working.
The clarity begins to return.

The focus I need to have, to keep my eyes where they need to be.

I will empty myself. 
So He can pour in.

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in his wonderful face. 
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim.
In the light of his glory and grace. 

I will have this song on repeat today.
I hope you will too.

http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6p_t2sGfsQ8