Enter in. Enter into His gates with Thanksgiving in your heart. Enter in. In. "used to indicate location or position within something" A location. Enter in. The door is open. You need to walk through. Not when you're happy. Not when things are going swell. That's not what it says. Enter in. Just as you are. When you're hurting. When life is overwhelming. When your weary soul aches with breathing in and out. Enter in. My heart hurts. The burning sensation ... View Post
He’s Said It Twice. I Need To Pay Attention
I've heard it twice. Each time a little different. But I heard it. And when God says something twice you need to stand up and take notice. The first time I heard it. It brought me to my knees. The conviction great. The torment real. The wrestling match begun. The people of Egypt were willing to go back to the land of slavery: the very land that bound them. Back to the people that enslaved them and treated them cruelly. Rather than head into a new land, the promised land, with God. It struck me. Am I willing to go into this new journey, unknown to me. . . with God; without ... View Post
The Let Down From Our Desire vs Reality
I walk by his room. I lean into the doorway. It's a habit now. I breathe in deep. I softly call his name. I just want to hear it. I long for him to be bustling around late for something. He was always late. Couldn't find what he needed. So much like me. So many days it's the same endless feelings. Desire vs. Reality. Skinny vs Plus size. Clean house vs Messy. The desire to have studied more; the reality of failing. On and on it goes. We can run scenario after scenario of situations where ... View Post
Fear. . .Slowly Strangles Trust
There are days I just want to make it all go away. I just want off this life I am living. The path is hard and unforgiving. The weight crushing at times. I long to shake this skin. I long to not ache. I should be rejoicing. We are done with chemo. We are done with radiation. I should be jumping for joy. But I can't. We still travel to the hospital. My farmer's weight is dangerously low. Food a necessity. Eating to live. His body racks with cough from excess mucus from the radiation. His sleep disturbed each night. I reach out and ... View Post
Sometimes We Just Need A Time Out
I have only been home for about an hour and I can start to feel it. The counters are a mess. There is laundry everywhere. Food needs to be put away; the dish drainer emptied. The kids have left their backpacks on the bench and violins and costumes for the upcoming performance. I have been at the hospital all day and coming home to a mess and uncooperative kids is. . .well, it's just normal. They are kids. They've been in school all day and then came home; and they are on vacation and the last thing they are thinking about are the messes. And that's good. They should ... View Post
I Want To Finish Well. . .Day #15 of Thankfulness
I stand at his grave. The tears don't come. In some ways it is hard to feel. I just miss him. So much. I bend down and touch the flowers. They were placed on the birthday of the Marines. Left by those that miss him too. Why is it that we want what we can not have? Why does our soul long for things out of reach? We are restless. A people still wandering in the desert; the promised land within reach. Obedience is too difficult. Surrender, foreign to our me centered lives. Philippians 1:21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is ... View Post
