He has walked in ripped shoes. Off and on for 18 months. Until they have split along the sides. New ones bought; just not comfortable. So he keeps the old ones. Familiar. He's walked in his brothers shoes, too. On and off for 18 months. But they were too tight. Not his. Not the younger brother anymore. Yet not the oldest either. A hard place to be. A hard age to sort through such complex emotions. Matthew 28:20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded ... View Post
For 17 Months Our Hearts Have Been Held By; God, A Community and Family, We Are So Grateful
A silent, still night. The ache remains. Even after 17 months. 2 birthday's. 2 Christmases. And much in between. A loneliness along with the ache. I have lost my child. Our family so changed. And sometimes I feel lonely. I feel like I was part way through a really great book, one I have loved to read. And now the rest of the book is gone. Never to be finished. Year One, you are numb when you decorate the Christmas Tree. The Ornaments, they leave you gasping ... View Post
She’s Growing Up And I Am Powerless to Stop It
She flashes those baby blues. She is beautiful. She has grown inches over the past year. All the kids have. Death and cancer have that effect. Her tender heart still unsure. Her writing reflecting her struggle. She turns 12 today. Her last year before the teens. And I marvel at how she has grown. How this little baby born on one of the holiest of nights, has turned into a lovely young woman. Her smile lights up a room. She is the first to snuggle of all our kids. Her ... View Post
Looking Back. He Is Faithful. He Is In The Business of Doing What He said He Would Do Day #17 of Thankfulness
There is such grace in looking back. A year has passed since we were gifted an overnight. A time we all still cherish. Fragile from death and a new cancer diagnosis we withdrew, with the help of those who wrapped us in love. Now a year later, we still walk carefully. Holding unswervingly to the hope in Christ. Grab a cup of coffee and dig deep today. Remember what God has done. He is a God who is faithful to accomplish what He said He would do. Philippians 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in ... View Post
Are you Having A Hard Time Expecting Anything Good? Yeah, Me Too Day #13 of Thankfulness
We spend the day at the hospital. Faces familiar now. Routines established. We wait. Somehow, I have become numb to this process. I tried not to think about it. . . at all. I didn't pray. Honestly. I couldn't. I didn't want my hopes to be dashed. Yet. I didn't step into fear either. I am not sure which is better? The cliff of the ache is just out of reach and I don't want to be on the edge anymore. The burn that has been my constant friend has lightened in my heart. So, when test day came, I chose silence. I ... View Post
Some Days I Find It Hard To Be Thankful Day # 8 of Thankfulness
Do you find it difficult to be Thankful some days? The effort it takes to clear away the negativity; overpowering. Your mind fills with the, "what you've losts" and the, "what's wrong's". It feels trite to dig for Thankfulness. Sarcasm fills the soul. It's an easy place to step. A pity party. Soon we are covered in a nice cocoon of "woe is me." We are entitled, right? The rain and dreariness outside has come to reside on the inside. But, take a closer look at the soul. The place where most refuse to travel. Pain and heartache stuffed for ... View Post
