I sit on the rock. I gaze out over this beautiful farm. It's been months. I haven't even wanted to venture outside. But today is warm. The wind is blowing and the memories strong. The river rages with the ice cold mountain run off. The expectancy of Spring in the air. It is Holy Week. The culmination of the Season of Lent. These 40 days have gone so quickly. How many days have I been still? I haven't filled a bag in a week. I have failed. My expectations, not met. A goal. Not reached. I have let other things crowd the space. I wonder; what are those ... View Post
What Does It Look Like To Praise God In The Midst Of The Storm?
Psalm 92 It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name, O Most High, proclaiming your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night, Don't you know it is good to praise the Lord? It is the cry of my heart. When troubles come and the darkness settles. It is hard to give thanks and praise. When the bills pile high and the day gets crazy. It is hard to praise. When your son is killed and you watch your children grieve, it is hard to give thanks and praise. Yet God continually encourages us to ... View Post
When You Have More Questions Than Answers
My son is on the field playing. It is his first game. It is my younger son. Now a High Schooler. I have sat in these bleachers for 4 years watching. The memories are overwhelming. These are new days. A new team. A friend joins me. Her sons gone to college. Mine to heaven. She sits with us. To remember. To help me through this day. While I sit in the sun; missing Elijah. Cheering Cedric. I receive a text. It is a text I don't want to read. You see last Fall, we were blessed. A man ... View Post
Do You Long For That Deep Soul Peace? Yeah. . . Me Too.
There was a mix up with appointments. I needed to talk with one of the nurses. We play phone tag over 2 days. I seek peace We finally connect. We work out the appointment details. While I have you on the phone I say; Are you able to give me the results of the scans? He says he can. We don't have to wait 3 more days for the results. A mistake; used to give us answers. I don't even know what to pray. I hold my breath. But I think I have been holding it for months. He says the chest is clear. Then there is a pause. My head spins and ... View Post
A Recipe To Lighten Anyone’s Load
They ask me to please let them go. I know I am in for a day of it if I say yes. And I know the memories will be lost forever if I say no. My little princess girls want to help their daddy in the wee hours. When the darkness is the deepest. And the Joy Thief can be relentless. When the mundane is elevated. But the farmer isn't himself and that which was once fun for him; now produces anxiety. Once there was joy when the kids wanted to get up to milk. An adventure; counting stars. Sometimes the Northern ... View Post
Waiting Can Turn Me Into The Road Rage Queen
I wait in the parking lot for my youngest son; now my only, to finish practice. It seems like yesterday I was waiting for Elijah. There is struggle in waiting. I do not wait well. I am easily irritated. There is something else I could be doing. Work that needs to be done. Space; I need to fill. Silence; (ask the farmer) I need to fill. There is purpose in waiting. Each a season. Waiting; with child, for birth. Hope. New life. Waiting; in line, traffic, on the phone. While waiting, I can turn into the road rage queen in the middle of ... View Post
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