I long to not cry in church. I yearn to be strong. Yet week after week I feel my resolve give way. We sing words. Ancient words. Words of Truth and Hope; Promise and life. While my spirit groans and aches. I sometimes close my eyes and tell myself, if I turn around he'll be there in the balcony. That red haired,crooked grin boy. Or if I try hard enough I will hear the beat of the drum. The Rhythm of the soul. Steady. Sometimes this world is just plain hard. It's not devoid of happiness and joy; it's just hard. This season of finding time to be ... View Post
Are You Able To Laugh At The Days To Come
Proverbs 31:25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. I want to laugh at the days to come. But I want to laugh at them with my boy. I long for strength and dignity. I want my world tipped back on it's right side. I long for depression to leave my farmer and the cancer to be gone. Do you have trouble? Aging parents in need of care? A job issue out of your control? A situation that you can't fix, or change; and it consumes you? You know you need to trust God; but it's so hard. It's your ... View Post
We Don’t Like To Be Uncomfortable. . . But Sometimes Uncomfortable Is Where We Need To Be
They sit in the corner and gather dust. Memories on hold. The beat stuck for all time. I don't know what to do with them. Mostly I stand and stare. While another piece of my heart breaks away. I remember. I try to hear the sounds and feel the rhythms to no avail. They are silenced. It's a new rhythm now. Set in a key and time change I am not comfortable with. There are too many accidentals and I stumble over the melody line. The timbre harsh and abrasive. Some new friends come to visit. Members of the club no one asks for. Further along the ... View Post
It’s Not for The Faint Of Heart. . .Or Those Who Like Steady
We are running out of feed. Again. Honestly, I can't wait for this winter to be over; yet I wonder what this coming year will hold. We are heading into our dry time. We are micro-managing every penny spent and what needs to be bought. We want to turn everything around. We are so tired of struggling. Really. Everything is a struggle. Nothing seems fun. It's not supposed to be like this. When did the fun stop? When did we begin this downward spiral? I don't think it has as much to do with finances than it does ... View Post
The Partner That Brings Grace To Your Movements
Sometimes I just want off this road. I've said it before. To me it seems hard. At each door there is pain and heart ache. It's another journey to process and move through. There is a dance while moving through pain. The movements can be stiff and awkward. Or they can be smooth and graceful. When you walk hand in hand with a partner skilled in guiding the way; the movements become fluid. I want things to be fluid. I long for movements that are graceful. What is it that creates the graceful out of the chaos? Who called order into the cosmic ... View Post
This Year; I Don’t Want To Read The Annual Report
Yeah; that moment when the Town Annual Report comes. And you remember being excited because in it was the birth of your child. You save it. You want to remember for all of forever how this important monumental event is captured in the Annals of human history for all to see. Your child; in bold letters was born. You horde extra copies like they are gold, so that your son will know what went on in the town during that time. But now. The Annual Report comes. Your heart sinks; your hands shake; your legs give way. You go cold. It ... View Post
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